Post 17: Marrying a Prince

I write this in response to the announcements of Prince William's engagement to Kate Middleton. Both are 28 years old and will be married in April 2011. I'm sure this is the stuff of every little girl's fantasy, marrying a prince.   Or at least imagining she is a princess. But you get a little older, and wiser, and then realize that there are only so many princes in this world. I wonder what it's like, being a real-life princess?

Firstly, I suppose I would have to eat things like caviar, and pate, and all that gourmet food. I've never had any of those things. I don't even like those fish roe, even the ones which came with sushi. And I am no longer able to walk into McDonald's without a bodyguard. Or KFC. Or PastaMania. Or Burger King.

I'll probably have princess lessons like Mia in The Princess Diaries. God knows I need them. I would probably have to be drilled in royal protocol and matters of etiquette. So that I wouldn't make a fool of the royal family.

They would probably hire me a stylist, hairstylist and make-up artist. And probably a trainer or two. And a nutritionist. And a manicurist. And a chauffeur. And maybe a butler. Some security. A personal assistant. Because I would be representing the royal family. And I have to look immaculate. Nice little pressed suits in pastel colors. Not a strand of hair out of place. I'd probably have to take up horseback riding. Or polo. Or cricket or whatever it is that royals play. No more RO and Perfect World for me.

I have to really watch what I say. Because who has ever heard of an outspoken, rude princess? Or even a sarcastic one? None in living memory. Of course I'd have to be involved in charities, and hospitals, and orphanage. Not that I have anything against charities and such. But sometimes, when celebrities do it, it seems a bit...fake. Like it's all for show for someone's twisted benefits.

At this age, this kind of fantasy is properly over. Sounds like dull, stiff, stuffy life, being a princess. Especially for a person who expects so much freedom from a relationship. Sounds like it could kill.

Post 16: All the Pretty Girls

It's odd that when you really look around at the teen-aged (I'm talking 18+ when I mention teenagers in this post) and early twenties couples, most of the time, you will notice that the girl is on the pretty side. I'm talking about perfect hair, not a strand out of place; white, even teeth; flawless, glowing skin; gorgeous complexion; long slender limbs and a body which makes you crawl into a gym and not come out for the next 20 years. Personality-wise, they are often the type which are loud, outgoing and in your face. Kind of reminds me of one of my classmates back in secondary school. But hey, she was an attention-seeking Leo after all. Anyway, I digress. Do guys really like girls who are talk at the top of their lungs, are rude and inconsiderate to others? Or is it really the packaging of these girls which appealed to the males? Guess this is one of life's questions I will never have an answer to.

And the girls! I observed that often, those who had a chinese education (can usually tell from the way they speak, if not their short hair) are more inclined to date the Ah Tu Ah Kao and Ah Beng. You know, those dudes with the golden, longish hair, baggy, too-loose pants, usually dark-colored tees, with a ciggy in the mouths as an ornament, with a thick, often weaved metal chain hanging from their belts as an accessory? Maybe it's a matter of preference, but can you say eww? Sometimes the girls who hang out with this type of guys are really pretty, I so feel that they can do better elsewhere. And these guys aren't even that good looking, if the strength of relationship potential be measured by looks.

I guess some people say that it is attractive when a girl knows what she wants and how to get it. That's why there's a book titled "Why Men Marry Bitches" or some such. Er, that's because all the good ones are taken? The essence of the book (I haven't read it, but I've read snippets of it) is that men want women who have their own take on things, have their own life, and do not cling. And supposing that guys date the pretty ones, assuming that these are the girls who possess the qualities I just mentioned, it also implies that the lesser (in looks) ones, are clingy women, with no mind of their own, and doesn't have a life.

Gee, what a tragedy. But if it's any comfort, the nearer you are to being ready to get married and look for a life partner to settle down with, then you will marry the person most suited to you, regardless of looks, brains, opinions, what have you.

Post 15: Only Friends?

Before I begin, I have an issue to address. I find that I write better when I actually put pen to paper. My last couple of posts were written on paper before I typed it out. I dunno, just find that thoughts come easily to me when I revert to the old-fashioned way of writing.

So anyway. What do you think of men and women being "only friends"? Especially when one party wants more? Ah Hong asked me what I would do after I reject a guy. Hmm, I've never rejected any guy (sad but true), but in that position, I think I would still remain friends with him. Of course he might not want to remain friends, it might be awkward, he might find it hard to get over. But if you've never started going out with one another, then I think it is possible. Unless you feel so much, that you have to get away from that person to heal. It happens.

Anyway, there is this girl he likes who sort of found out that he likes her. And now they're not really talking. It's good that she is sending him the message loud and clear, "I don't fancy you!" but I think that she can be so much kinder to him. After all, when I asked him why they're not speaking, he said that she doesn't really want to talk so he took her cue from her. Huh. I don't see anything wrong with being friends, even if you don't feel the same way for the other person. Do you seriously think that having a friendship with them will make them think that they still have a chance somehow? Nope, I think not.

If I were in her position, I would say "I really like you as a friend, but I cannot see us as anything more than that", and I would still speak to him, hang out, but letting him know that it's all platonic.

Of course, she already has a boyfriend, and he's that madly jealous type. And he found out that there's some other guy who's interested in his girlfriend, and that if she doesn't stop talking to him, the mad boyfriend would lose his mind and set out to beat up the poor guy. That would justify her not speaking to him. Otherwise, it's insanity.

Post 14: The Adjectives of Love

Lately, I've been taking my writing more seriously, and am more disciplined about it. I try to write everyday with a goal to fill a notebook every month. I have loads and loads of writing prompts and ideas to help me deal with writer's block (which happens pretty much every time I sit in front of a notebook, holding a pen), and so I thought to include some of my rubbish on this blog. This is an exercise to describe what I'm feeling at the moment, and what it smells like. Warning: I'm a terrible poet.

Love smells sweet
Like the caramel popcorn at GSC
Like pink fluffy cotton candy
Like Johnson's baby milk lotion
Like a maraschino cherry atop a sundae
Like vanilla-scented candles
Like freshly baked apple pie
Like chocolates.

Love smells familiar
Like the essence of home
Like a favorite perfume
Like the flowers in the garden
Like the pages of a book
Like a mother's cooking
Like a comfy blanket
Like that someone special.

Post 13: Teenagers and Dating

I have recently joined Yahoo! Answers, and was browsing through the family and relationships section and was surprised to find that the questions here refresh every few seconds when something new pops up. What astounds me most is that the dating part of this section is frequented by kids as young as 11 years old. Why the hell are they so worried about dating so young? Most of them are westerners of course, but surely the trend could not be that much different here. My own sister started dating as young as 13 years old, Belle dated at around 15, and Becky started dating young too, I expect. But of course, that was all a good 7-8 years ago. A lot of things must have changed since then.

The one thing I noticed (from Yahoo! Answers) was that kids seem preoccupied with dating. An example is as follows:

"My sister is 11, and she and this guy likes each other but my mom will say no to dating. I've my first boyfriend at 11 (without my mom knowing) so I'm doing this for my sister. Is 11 to young to date? How can I go against Mom, her ideas are so stupid. I'm 17". (edited from memory)"

So my thoughts were, "You're only 17! You're not even old enough to be a legal guardian! So how do you know what's best for your 11-year-old sister!" When I do think back, we always thought that we were "old enough" for something (especially dating), but guess what? I don't think so now. What would an 11-year-old know about being in a relationship anyway?

And there were also posts which go "I want a gf/bf! How do I get one?" Now that is just lame. You don't go out and get a boyfriend like they were a can of sardines on a supermarket shelf. Which also leads me to this question: Why would you want a gf/bf for anyway? Especially if you're 14, why? Because it's cool? Because you're curious? Because you want to prove something? Wanting a gf/bf just to be part of a couple is pathetic, and not a good enough reason to be in a relationship with someone. Anyway, I personally think that the main reasons kids are dating young these days are because...

"All my friends are dating!" Are you sure all your friends are dating? Seriously? So what! Take a listen to David Archuleta, "...good things come to those who wait". Are you just going to date a guy because he happens to be available and you're desperate? Chances are, you're just so going to end up with a clueless jerk, wondering why in the whole wide world you dated him anyway. What? You're 15 and totally in love, and are going to get married and I'm some deluded old hag and don't know what I'm talking about? Wait, you don't even know what love is. I've got 10 years on you and I'm still figuring out what it is, and I sure as hell did know know what it was back when I was your age. Oh, and I've eaten more salt then you have rice. Marrying their high school sweethearts is not for everyone, especially if you've only been dating for 2 months.

Or what about this:

"My boyfriend wants me to give him a blowjob. He said I should do it because he's my boyfriend. We're both 13. Should I do it?"

I was seriously, "WTF?!" Barely in their teens and discussing bj's? If I were her, the only thing he's getting is a break up, honestly. And if she was confused about it to be asking Yahoo! Answers, then there is seriously a problem with either her, or the relationship, or both. She is being pressured into doing things she has doubts and is not comfortable with. But then again, if it were me, of course I would doubt the guy instead. There's no points for guessing what he's going to ask of her next, after he's gotten what he wants. It's just the same thing for another girl, age unknown, who was wondering if doing "sexual stuff" with her best friend's brother, whom she likes, would make him like her in return, after he's hinted that he'd like to do "sexual stuff" with her. Geez, being born into late Generation Y and early Generation Z where information is readily available to anyone, you'd think that they would have read about naive girls who were tricked into having sex (and later dumped, or worse, murdered). I've never read any stories of love and romance where sex came first, mutual attraction next. Especially not in teenage romances, so I really wonder, where could these girls have gotten these sick ideas from. It is with no doubt the stupidest question I've heard any self-respecting female ask was, "If I had sex with him, maybe he'll fall in love with me". Not. He'll only think that you're easy and have little or no respect for you. And you'll only hate yourself for being so duh.

I think that while you're still in high school, it's better for you not to seriously date. There are always exceptions of course, we do know people who married their high school sweethearts, but that doesn't happen very often and we do not know how many years they dated prior to marriage, and whether the marriage ended or will end in divorce. Of course you can always enjoy going out with guys and spending time with them but when too many emotions are swirling around, things might get ugly. And with all that homework and exams and co-curricular activities and your period, it would be better if you don't have to worry about boys too.

And you wonder why the western girls look so old for their age (they can be 16 and look as old as me). That's the reason =)

Post 12: Happy 2nd Anniversary!

To me! It's only been two years but it does seem so much longer than that! Ok, so this post is totally belated but I kinda had a wild time lately. Oh, and you might notice that it deviates from what I usually write on this blog. I'm taking some time out to celebrate my own relationship. Huhuhu.

For those who doesn't know the story, we were friends for some time before we went out together on our "first date" back in June 8th, 2008. I took him to Mizi in New World Park, and then we went to watch Kung Fu Panda. And he dropped me home. Oh, and he almost dropped me on the steep slope off the main road just outside my house. Then I kissed him goodnight on the cheek. He was like, "NOOOOOOOO..........!" But, whatever. I think he likes this part of the tale the most.

And this is my favorite part. He put me on probation. For two months. I have never heard of a two-month probation. It was August 13th when he asked me to go steady. Sadly, that was what I thought we were for the past two months, but no matter.

Towards the end of October that year (28-31) we both went on our very first trip, to Genting Highlands. He lost a bet to me, and the penalty was forking out on a trip to a destination of my choice. We spend two nights there, the rides were great, except I have Albert's brother constantly texting me, going, "Is my brother with you?" It was my first time in the casinos. Last time I went, I was not yet 21.

The Sunday after, he met with an accident which resulted in a (badly) broken leg, which he is still recovering from. Anyhoo, I met his mom, for the first time, at the Penang GH. Oh, did I mention that my parents met his mom too. OMG. I have to say that we spend a good part of our relationship in his house. We celebrated our past birthdays there, usually with a Pizza Hut delivery.

The first surgery he had did not go well, and everything feel apart after a few days of events involving my family, in October the following year; my sister's 21st, my aunt's BBQ party, and a family "chu char" dinner. He was scheduled to go for a second surgery in November, but it was postponed, a couple of times, to December 15th.

Luckily, that surgery went well and he is smoothly recovering from it. In February, I celebrated Chinese New Year for the first time with his family (there was plenty lots of them). And in March, his doctor said that he should be able to walk without his crutches. He gradually did so. We first walked to Maxim Air Itam for gelato, and we walked back to his house. Our next trip was to the mamak stall outside, and then to 7-11 for ice-cream, and back.

With our anniversary fast approaching, he said that he thought that his broken leg would mean the end of us. He didn't think that I would stick to him this long. Yes, I agree to that. It seems that Scorpios have this ability to self-destruct. He said that he is looking forward to our 3rd anniversary as that would mean the end of the "3-year-curse". I told him that this was pure nonsense, and he insisted that none of his previous relationship lasted longer than one-half years, and that 3 years is considered a milestone to him. He mentioned that we should get a marriage registry on our 3rd anniversary, and I told him we won't be ready, not for another 2 or 3 years. He said he has no problem with a marriage registry, but the wedding banquet won't be for another 15 years.

Ouch.

Post 11: Texting and E-mailing

I was reading one of those online forums of which I am a part and I came across a post of a woman who broke up with her man because she felt that he wasn't giving enough. She felt that she wasn't as important as the other aspects and people in his life. And it was partly because he doesn't e-mail or text her at work. Oh. My. God.

Let's start with some numbers (get them out of the way). How many hours do you spend at work? 8-10 hours each day including breaks and commuting. Probably longer, let's day 12 hours if you have to work overtime. But we do know that the standard working hour for most people is around 8 hours a day.

Will it kill you if you don't hear from your significant other within that plus minus 8 hours? He has WORK to do. Maybe his job isn't as laid back as yours. Perhaps he might get a telling of if he makes calls or sends e-mails that is irrelevant to his job. Maybe he likes to keep personal matters out of the work place. You can't always think that just because he doesn't e-mail you when he's at work, doesn't mean he doesn't care about you.

The reason that lady gave was that he could e-mail his brother at work. Er? Maybe there is a reason why he does that? That there is urgent matter they need to discuss? After all, what is the point of e-mailing your girlfriend at work? It will just be "I miss you, I love you, I need you...bla bla bla" on repeat. You could do that outside work. Whereas when men contact men, you can be sure that it isn't that that they're mushing around. I don't call my brother just because either. I usually insert a question after "hello".

Do I text my bf at work? Nope, he doesn't reply as there's usually no credits on his phone, haha! I do call him for a few minutes during my break time though. Even if he has credits on his phone, I still wouldn't bother if he doesn't call or text. (He does, in case you're wondering). Work keeps me occupied. Lucky he doesn't have the mindset of a girl. That is, if I don't reply to his texts, means I don't care. Fortunate too, that he doesn't spam me with texts. =X

Are we women really so insecure that we would base our SO's love on work hours texts and e-mails? Geez, I really hope not.

Post 10: Count Your Blessings

If only we could, every night before we sleep, feel thankful for the things we have, rather than wish upon a star for things we hope to get. See, not so selfish right? To celebrate my 10th post (yay!) here are the 10 things I am and will always be extremely grateful for. In no particular order (XD).

Family

Think of all the people who have lost their loved ones to war (like, back in the Napoleonic times, whatever), who have family living miles away from them, who have never known their mother/father/brother/sister/grandparents/aunts/uncles/cousins...bla bla. You know what? I sometimes don't value how loving and unique my mom, dad, sis and bro are. Yes, the drive me bananas sometimes, but it's hard imagining having another family.

Friends

No man is an island! This much is true for me, though I don't have lots and lots of friends, but those I do have, are supportive and loyal. They know who they are. The people who jumped right into the hot soup with me, and sometimes scoops me out with a ladle. Extremely fun and funny, you guys just make life easier to bear. At least I'm not the only bodoh one.

Home

I have a roof over my head! Looking back on the disasters from 2004 until now, I really am one of those lucky ones.

Food

I can eat anything I want, whenever I want, when some people only live on scraps, and some have nothing at all =( Don't start lecturing me when I'm pigging out about my weight. At least I'm not wasting food.

Money

Not rich, but at least I don't have to beg. I think that speaks enough for this topic.

Soap and Water

I'm totally serious. With such heat and humidity, thank goodness I get to bathe more than once a day. Ah...the simple luxuries of life.

Technology

Wonder what we'll do without Facebook, iPhone, GSC and Shopaholic novels. What will we do for comfort? Will I have to manually start a fire to roast me own chicken wings?

Unconditional Love

I am hot-tempered, am rude, am fat, am irrinoying, am lazy, am extravagant, am mean, scheming, evil and bitchy, but it's nice to know that someone loves me despite it all.

Literacy

I can read, write and count (not well, but still, I know how to count money, ha!) as are most Malaysians, but let's not forget our peers in other countries, they are not so fortunate.

Peace

There are no Ironman 2 inspired drones flying overhead. I count myself blessed.

Amen

Post 9: 12 Things You Don't Know About Women (by Esquire)

I like this so much I'll just have to put the link up here.

http://dating.personals.yahoo.com/singles/datingtips/88620/dating-tips-12-things-you-dont-know-about-women

Post 8: Insecurities of Insecurities

Insecure, defined as not sure or certain, doubtful, not firm or fixed, lacking stability, lacking self-confidence. On the other hand, insecurity is known as lack of confidence, self-doubt, quality of the state of being insecure, something insecure. Have any of you been insecure in a relationship? I have. Past and present. I think it's a matter of dealing with insecurities.

It may be the matter of me being a Sagittarius Sun and a Cancer Rising. I always ease in and out of confidence and insecurity. Maybe I'm like a werewolf, I feel like I change during the full moon or something. Anyway. I find insecurities often stem from background and maybe even socioeconomic status of a person. Like I've mentioned somewhere before, my siblings and I were all well-fed and watered as kids (even now) and we always knew that we were important to our parents and to each other. But going through school, I would say that my sister was the more outgoing of the three of us. She exudes confidence and was very popular among her peers. My bro is popular too, I would say, among his gang of gamer friends. As for me, I dunno, I am some kind of a loner, though I do enjoy being with friends once in a while. I never doubted that my friends like me, but I have always felt insecure about what others would think of me. I know, I know. Who cares what they think right? But you know you do care. You do care a whole lot. The "who cares" is just there to make yourself feel better about it. Yes, I'm hypersensitive. So?

Anyway, dealing with insecurities in relationships. I was insecure with my ex. Why? Many factors. Firstly, it was because girls like him. And I don't remember him ever giving me much assurance, if any at all. Then there was all that problem with my weight. Yes, I'm fat. He dated me for 2 years before I met his parents. And his mom thought he should ditch me because of my weight. And he had to go listen to his twisted, superficial mom and wanted me to go on a diet. And he didn't like me showing up at his workplace. WTF? Is there something wrong with your girlfriend paying you a short visit? It's not like I'm going to spend the rest of the day watching him work. How am I supposed to be happy with him is that was what he was putting me through? Oh, and things got better after we broke up, which I won't discuss any more. It's dead and done in my books anyway.

My current relationship is another different matter. I'm dealing with his "two girls". The first is his ex. You know, the one he cannot forget. He actually counted down to her birthday last time I checked. His response? He wants to remember the good. MMHMM. Right. It's been like, two years, and I already forgot most of my 3-year relationship, say, 80%? Oh, and he once mentioned that you can love someone, but not be able to be with that person because you are not compatible and that you're only able to live with someone who is compatible with you. Which leads me to think: Does he still love her? Ok, he does a lot for me which a boyfriend should and could. But I sometimes really do not know how he really feels about me. Seriously. Yes, he's a Scorpio. No, I'm not PMS-ing. GET OVER HER ALREADY. He said that he does not want to discuss his past because he knows it will hurt me. I'm actually divided over this. Do I really want to know? I know, curiosity kills the cat, ignorance is bliss and all that. But I want to know the TRUTH! We Sagittarians are all about knowing the truth. Well, now that I think about it, it could also be classified as being "busybody". So yes, weaving in and out of security regarding how much his past still mattered to him, and how big a part I play in his life.

The other girl. Ha. She's only seven years old. His little cousin. BUT. He spends more time with her than he does with me! Whine, whine, whine. So he has a broken leg, and they live in the same house. That doesn't mean that I cannot be annoyed with her. It so sometimes feel like we're competing for his attention. Of course when I'm around, he will be focused on me. And the little one always, always, always tries to butt in somehow. Not so much these days though because she does have to go to school. Now we get to the good bit. He sits through homework sessions with her! Geez, can't she do her own homework? She's only in Standard 1! We have dictionaries and revision books these days you know. Or you can just get a Besta. RM1598 will solve all the problems for you, no problem. Now that he's not working he sees her onto her vehicle to school and fetches her back from the gates and stuff. I hate the evenings. Mostly, I sit through 7pm to maybe 11pm or later while he makes sure she bathes and have dinner and goes through her homework. Yes I know I sound like a jealous whiny bitch. I am being one. BUT WHAT ABOUT ME! Ok, so maybe it's fair, I do work late too, and he has had to wait for me more than enough. That is work! This is voluntary services! Get her to do her own homework, or for the next ten years we'll be stuck sitting through all her homework sessions!

Oh well, guess it shows that you can never feel 100% secure in any relationship. Maybe it's a communication thing. We should learn to communicate better? Nah, kids just need to learn how to do their own homework. Enough ranting for one night.

Post 7: This One's for the Girls

Came across this today. For all the ladies out there who thinks that no one wants them, thinks they're not good enough for their guy, considering taking back that cheating boyfriend, who thinks that it's ok if you want to get married but he doesn't (though he claims he loves you)...this goes out to you!


If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away.
If he doesn't want you, nothing can make him stay.
Stop making excuses for a man and his behaviour.
Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache.
Stop trying to change yourself for a relationship that's not meant to be.

Slower is better.

Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy.

If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve then heck no, you can't "be friends". A friend wouldn't mistreat a friend.
Don't settle.

If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is
Don't stay because you think "it will get better"
You'll be mad at yourself a year later for staying when things are not better.
The only person you can control in a relationship is you.

Avoid men who've got a bunch of children by a bunch of different women.

He didn't marry them when he got them pregnant, why would he treat you any differently?

Always have your own set of friends separate from his.
Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you. If something bothers you, speak up..

Never let a man know everything.* He will use it against you later.

You cannot change a man's behavior.* Change comes from within.

Don't EVER make him feel he is more important than you are...
Even if he has more education or in a better job.

Do not make him into a quasi-god.
He is a man, nothing more nothing less.
Never let a man define who you are.
Never borrow someone else's man.
If he cheated with you, he'll cheat on you.
A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you.

All men are NOT dogs.

You should not be the one doing all the bending...
Compromise is two way street.

You need time to heal between relationships...
There is nothing cute about baggage...
Deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship

You should never look for someone to COMPLETE you...
A relationship consists of two WHOLE individuals...
Look for someone complimentary...not supplementary.

Dating is fun...even if he doesn't turn out to be Mr. Right.

Make him miss you sometimes...when a man always know where you are, and you're always readily available to him - he takes it for granted

Never move into his mother's house. Never co-sign for a man.

Don't fully commit to a man who doesn't give you everything that you need.*
Keep him in your radar but get to know others.

Scared of being alone is what makes a lot of women stay in relationships that are abusive or hurtful: Dr. Phill

You should know that:
You're the best thing that could ever happen to anyone and if a man mistreats you, he'll miss out on a good thing. If he was attracted to you in the 1st place, just know that he's not the only one.

They're all watching you, so you have a lot of choices.
Make the right one.