Two weeks ago, my significant other booked me into my third visit this month to our favourite restaurant. The occassion? "Bring Your Partners Out" - male version. To be honest, I wasn't exactly thrilled. I'm really terrible with people. Especially those I'd never met. Even more so when I'm expected to make a good impression.
The morning started with a call from one of the guys stating that his wife had gone into labour. He was wondering what time we were meeting up. Clearly I was unimpressed with his attitude. There is no way E was going anywhere if I'm the one on the verge of giving birth. Talk about bad prioritizing. Anyway, let's call him Alpha Male.
So Alpha Male met us for lunch while his wife was in the process of giving birth. He ordered some meat dish and also ordered some kind of sandwich, which he barely ate, just because he can. You know, E asked if I was going to blog about this and hell yes I bloody well am (doing it now) because how can I let such a fantastic opportunity pass me by?
Alpha Male is exactly the kind of guy Ryan Higa, KevJumba and Chester See were talking (or rather singing) about in their Nice Guy video. Honestly, he even had his baseball cap angled (what was it, 43 degress? Or something).
The YTF guys should have included a couple more lines which goes "Oh, you're giving birth to my son? Look, I couldn't care less, I'm too busy having fun". I really thank my lucky stars I'm not his wife. Wait that wasn't fair. Maybe he's really sweet to her. But I thought he was loud and obnoxious and he thinks himself real funny. It was like, he was his own biggest fan. In fact, I think he's in the same league as my Form 2 boys, except that they are actually funny. Moving on, I ain't wasting no more words.
Next, there was Meat Guy and his girlfriend, who I'll call "the Good". E recommended the Filet Mignon to him, which he had difficulty finishing because he also had to eat half of his girlfriend's Chicken Maryland, which she either fed him with or put on his plate. And also her mushroom soup which E ordered on her behalf because they seemed overwhelmed with the selection. Except of course she doesn't eat mushrooms. (Or beef or lamb or pork. She only eats chicken and fish and I'm guessing she doesn't really like chicken that much because it's a sore sight, her constantly shoving her food down her man's throat. I guess that is really sweet because I am so sure he is incapable of feeding himself. Not in public anyway. So you see now why she's named "the Good".
When Meat Guy, towards the end of the meal seemed to have trouble finishing his food, she went "Here, let me help you eat", all in a huff. That was nice of her and something she should have done 30 minutes ago. It was either that, or she should have just sucked it up and ate her own food.
When E invited them to watch Johnny English with us after lunch, Meat Guy proudly announced that his girlfriend doesn't watch movies with unfamiliar actors/actresses in them, nor English movies. To which, E proudly responded that I don't watch Chinese movies (which pretty much makes sense since I don't understand the language). But not watching English movies? You cannot say that you don't understand English? It's something you learn at school. Even in the Chinese and Tamil medium ones. (Seriously there must be something really wrong with the teaching and learning of English in schools these days). Anyway, they later bought tickets to Johnny English, no pun intended.
The other couple, Fish Guy (E recommended a fish dish he found really good). His girlfriend earned the nickname "the Bad" because upon meeting the guy's parents, his mom told him that this was not a good girl to be dating, thus, "the Bad". Funnier still, her mom thought that he was not a good guy to be going out with as well. There you go, at least the moms are in agreement. She is also christened "the Bad" because she gives awkward, shy, wallflower girlfriends like me a bad name. Seriously! She'd never met any of us before but it sure doesn't stop her from being chummy-chum-chum. With the guys, obviously, not with us girls. She wasn't stupid, she knew who she was supposed to be impressing. It was all out all the time. I tend to get uncomfortable, or sometimes even sick, around people like that. I barely know you, so let's not act like we're BFF's. Not like she tried it on me. It must be my pervading evil aura. It must have hung over the lunch table like some invisible misty cloud. LOL.
Finally, there was also "the Ugly", i.e. me. I was easily the ugliest (and fattest) around. I was the one languishing in last place. I sat there cool as an ice queen (only not quite as pretty) methodically nom-ing away my mushroom soup, lasagne and bf's vegetables (people get Chicken Maryland I get broccoli and cauliflower...tears up, fogs glass). I looked bored and was like a round peg trying to fit into a square hole. The guys were talking about PSP games and showing off their gizmo phones and Ipads, yakking away about the good old days.
This showing each other up in front of their girlfriends is kinda lame. Now I know I sound like some disgruntled bitch but the girls are no better. Stop bloody feeding your boyfriends (refer previous post). It's not cute and does not serve to prove how much you love them. To me, it just seems forced and unnatural and really looks like you have something to prove (or maybe I'm just way too comfortable with E). I dunno. I feed E all the time just not in front of a table full of people. I just couldn't bring myself to do it without feeling like some fake.
Another note to girls. Stop trying so hard and just be yourself. I don't think there is anything wrong with sitting there quietly (wait, yes, there is) because frolicky conversations in a language you can't even understand, let alone speak (mandarin) fail to interest you.
Ah well. Then again, I probably wasn't being fair. Maybe "the Good" really does enjoy
If that is the case, then let no one blame me for being the chilly, quiet, disinterested bitch, 'mkay?