Post 23: The Good, the Bad and the Ugly

I think I have been away from my blog for a really long time because deng! New layout/features! Still figuring how things work but anyway.

Two weeks ago, my significant other booked me into my third visit this month to our favourite restaurant. The occassion? "Bring Your Partners Out" - male version. To be honest, I wasn't exactly thrilled. I'm really terrible with people. Especially those I'd never met. Even more so when I'm expected to make a good impression.

The morning started with a call from one of the guys stating that his wife had gone into labour. He was wondering what time we were meeting up. Clearly I was unimpressed with his attitude. There is no way E was going anywhere if I'm the one on the verge of giving birth. Talk about bad prioritizing. Anyway, let's call him Alpha Male.

So Alpha Male met us for lunch while his wife was in the process of giving birth. He ordered some meat dish and also ordered some kind of sandwich, which he barely ate, just because he can. You know, E asked if I was going to blog about this and hell yes I bloody well am (doing it now) because how can I let such a fantastic opportunity pass me by?

Alpha Male is exactly the kind of guy Ryan Higa, KevJumba and Chester See were talking (or rather singing) about in their Nice Guy video. Honestly, he even had his baseball cap angled (what was it, 43 degress? Or something).

The YTF guys should have included a couple more lines which goes "Oh, you're giving birth to my son? Look, I couldn't care less, I'm too busy having fun". I really thank my lucky stars I'm not his wife. Wait that wasn't fair. Maybe he's really sweet to her. But I thought he was loud and obnoxious and he thinks himself real funny. It was like, he was his own biggest fan. In fact, I think he's in the same league as my Form 2 boys, except that they are actually funny. Moving on, I ain't wasting no more words.

Next, there was Meat Guy and his girlfriend, who I'll call "the Good". E recommended the Filet Mignon to him, which he had difficulty finishing because he also had to eat half of his girlfriend's Chicken Maryland, which she either fed him with or put on his plate. And also her mushroom soup which E ordered on her behalf because they seemed overwhelmed with the selection. Except of course she doesn't eat mushrooms. (Or beef or lamb or pork. She only eats chicken and fish and I'm guessing she doesn't really like chicken that much because it's a sore sight, her constantly shoving her food down her man's throat. I guess that is really sweet because I am so sure he is incapable of feeding himself. Not in public anyway. So you see now why she's named "the Good".

When Meat Guy, towards the end of the meal seemed to have trouble finishing his food, she went "Here, let me help you eat", all in a huff. That was nice of her and something she should have done 30 minutes ago. It was either that, or she should have just sucked it up and ate her own food.

When E invited them to watch Johnny English with us after lunch, Meat Guy proudly announced that his girlfriend doesn't watch movies with unfamiliar actors/actresses in them, nor English movies. To which, E proudly responded that I don't watch Chinese movies (which pretty much makes sense since I don't understand the language). But not watching English movies? You cannot say that you don't understand English? It's something you learn at school. Even in the Chinese and Tamil medium ones. (Seriously there must be something really wrong with the teaching and learning of English in schools these days). Anyway, they later bought tickets to Johnny English, no pun intended.

The other couple, Fish Guy (E recommended a fish dish he found really good). His girlfriend earned the nickname "the Bad" because upon meeting the guy's parents, his mom told him that this was not a good girl to be dating, thus, "the Bad". Funnier still, her mom thought that he was not a good guy to be going out with as well. There you go, at least the moms are in agreement. She is also christened "the Bad" because she gives awkward, shy, wallflower girlfriends like me a bad name. Seriously! She'd never met any of us before but it sure doesn't stop her from being chummy-chum-chum. With the guys, obviously, not with us girls. She wasn't stupid, she knew who she was supposed to be impressing. It was all out all the time. I tend to get uncomfortable, or sometimes even sick, around people like that. I barely know you, so let's not act like we're BFF's. Not like she tried it on me. It must be my pervading evil aura. It must have hung over the lunch table like some invisible misty cloud. LOL.

Finally, there was also "the Ugly", i.e. me. I was easily the ugliest (and fattest) around. I was the one languishing in last place. I sat there cool as an ice queen (only not quite as pretty) methodically nom-ing away my mushroom soup, lasagne and bf's vegetables (people get Chicken Maryland I get broccoli and cauliflower...tears up, fogs glass). I looked bored and was like a round peg trying to fit into a square hole. The guys were talking about PSP games and showing off their gizmo phones and Ipads, yakking away about the good old days.

This showing each other up in front of their girlfriends is kinda lame. Now I know I sound like some disgruntled bitch but the girls are no better. Stop bloody feeding your boyfriends (refer previous post). It's not cute and does not serve to prove how much you love them. To me, it just seems forced and unnatural and really looks like you have something to prove (or maybe I'm just way too comfortable with E). I dunno. I feed E all the time just not in front of a table full of people. I just couldn't bring myself to do it without feeling like some fake.

Another note to girls. Stop trying so hard and just be yourself. I don't think there is anything wrong with sitting there quietly (wait, yes, there is) because frolicky conversations in a language you can't even understand, let alone speak (mandarin) fail to interest you.

Ah well. Then again, I probably wasn't being fair. Maybe "the Good" really does enjoy shovelling food down her guy's throat nurturing her man whether anyone is watching or not and "the Bad" really is an overzealous a social butterfly who acts that way in whichever gathering she attends.

If that is the case, then let no one blame me for being the chilly, quiet, disinterested bitch, 'mkay?

Post 22: What Are You Trying To Prove?

The title says it all. That is the exact thought which streaks through my mind every time I see a girl update her Facebook profile with something along the lines of "Had a great time with my [insert term of endearment here] [insert boyfriend's name here]" It gets worse when there are TWO pet names side by side. Like "honey muffin" and "sugar darling" or "sweetie baby". Eww. And I absolutely detest to see the words "lovely" and "wonderful" in the that kind of sentence. Makes it sounds so sickeningly sweet. Semantics much? You bet. Especially when you, like me, see "Had a lovely time with my sweetie sunshine today. I love you dhie, muacks" so so so many times. Makes me wanna puke, really.

I cannot help but wonder, what is the purpose to all these status updates? Yes I know this is the Age of Facebook and everyone can't wait to inform the world what they are up to as much as possible, from being engaged right down to getting their period. So far, I've come to two conclusions.

The first conclusion is that these girls are trying to convince people that they are extremely happy in their relationship. Perfect, extremely caring and wonderful guy. Everything is rainbows and roses and sunshines and butterflies and candy and chocolates. Yea, we've heard it the first time, you don't have to remind us 200 more times. It gets kinda tired and tacky after awhile. As for those who actually enjoy looking at and commenting on this kind of "Oh look at me! I'm so happy in my relationship!" parroting either has no life or secretly hoping that she could do that one day too. And on the other hand, don't tell me that your relationship is that perfect, and then some. Honestly no relationship is ever perfect. It's a lot of work and compromise and giving and sharing and caring and understanding. You're bound to come across some form of disagreement or dissatisfaction. Don't act like it's something only other couples deal with, and not you. I think it's called denial. Otherwise, I will say that it's just the honeymoon period. Trouble usually hits between the second and third year when the dust has settled and you become way more comfortable with each other.

The second conclusion I attribute to insecurity. I believe that expressing their love to the whole wide (internet) world (web) makes these girls feel the seal of security on her relationship. I don't know, this is kinda hard to explain. I suppose girls who do not have partners feel insecure, and girls who do cannot help letting everyone they know know that they are taken. Like it somehow makes them more superior, to I don't know what exactly. Does having a guy make you superior to girls who are single? No. And does your love life really need to be an open book? Kind of rubbing it in much?

I mean why in the world, why why why, do you need to let the whole online world know? It makes you feel important? It makes you feel special? I know you're already special in that one person's eyes? You don't have the make the rest feel unwanted, and ugly, and fat, and unattractive and desperate. Keep it to yourself. I don't wanna hear about your fantastic time every other day, or what you ate and who you ate with.

Whatever's happen to privacy?

I know, if I don't wanna know then don't look at it. But it's kinda hard to avoid something that crops up every few days without fail, especially the weekend.

Put a lid on it. Follow the guys' example.

Post 19: Happy Valentine's Day

Dear All,

It's Valentine's Day today. Time to spread the love!

There does seem to be a whole load of it on Facebook it seems. My Facebook News Feed is flooded with Valentine's Day wishes, mushy messages to significant others, corny red roses and bears, you name it, it's on my feed. Heck, I'm one of those spammers.

Question: Is Valentine's Day becoming more of a commercial holiday than any other holiday of the year?

Fact: Yesterday I spent minutes and minutes in the chocolate aisle in Cold Storage trying to pick the best gourmet chocolate.

Fact: I picked up the one which has the best packaging and didn't look too corny (sis was complaining that every box/bar I picked was "corny"). I immediately dropped it back onto the shelf when sis told me that it contained only nine, friggin' NINE pieces of chocolate @ 35.99. Forget it.

Fact: I was going to go with a nice-looking 20-piece Belgian chocolate affair in hearts, and then sis went, "typical, pick the typical, cheesy heart-shaped chocolate in a box". I put that back too.

Fact: Sis said I should go for a white chocolate assemble. So I chose a selection of white chocolate when sis asked, "does he like white chocolate?" Silence. I did not know. (But now I do, and yes he does). So back went the white chocolate. Damn. Chocolate shopping is hard.

Fact: In the end I chose a few unique chocolate like pecan and caramel, and pistachio and almond filled. You get the idea. Oh, and a classic Belgian bar too. Chocolate = Belgian.

Fact: Do not go buying chocolates (or any other V-day offerings) with your sister. She'll say everything is cheesy/corny and you spend more time than intended.

Fact: A giant Memory Lane card costs an upwards of RM25. And it will go straight under your bed anyway. A Hallmark card costs RM14 and it looks just the same as a RM2.90 one.

Fact: No matter how cheesy a big furry stuffed bear is, I still want one! Especially the "Me to You" ones with patches and looking so pathetic that you just want to bring him home.

Fact: All girls love getting flowers. And I've been waiting to get some for years and years. I've lost hope. A rose on Valentine's Day starts at an approximate RM10. Yep, a SINGLE, SOLITARY rose. Can't help. Had to cap that.

Fact: A dinner for two on Valentine's Day always cost more than dinner for five on any normal day. It's always nice to wine and dine out on Valentine's Day but the lighter wallet will make you regret it. But then hey, am I worth it or not?

Conclusion: Yes, Valentine's Day is very commercialized.

Happy Valentine's Day to everyone!

P/S: If I read one more mushy, sickening, stomach-churning, V-Day message to "baby", "darling", "sweety cake", "honey bunny"..and the like, I'm honestly gonna hurl. At you.

Post 17: Marrying a Prince

I write this in response to the announcements of Prince William's engagement to Kate Middleton. Both are 28 years old and will be married in April 2011. I'm sure this is the stuff of every little girl's fantasy, marrying a prince.   Or at least imagining she is a princess. But you get a little older, and wiser, and then realize that there are only so many princes in this world. I wonder what it's like, being a real-life princess?

Firstly, I suppose I would have to eat things like caviar, and pate, and all that gourmet food. I've never had any of those things. I don't even like those fish roe, even the ones which came with sushi. And I am no longer able to walk into McDonald's without a bodyguard. Or KFC. Or PastaMania. Or Burger King.

I'll probably have princess lessons like Mia in The Princess Diaries. God knows I need them. I would probably have to be drilled in royal protocol and matters of etiquette. So that I wouldn't make a fool of the royal family.

They would probably hire me a stylist, hairstylist and make-up artist. And probably a trainer or two. And a nutritionist. And a manicurist. And a chauffeur. And maybe a butler. Some security. A personal assistant. Because I would be representing the royal family. And I have to look immaculate. Nice little pressed suits in pastel colors. Not a strand of hair out of place. I'd probably have to take up horseback riding. Or polo. Or cricket or whatever it is that royals play. No more RO and Perfect World for me.

I have to really watch what I say. Because who has ever heard of an outspoken, rude princess? Or even a sarcastic one? None in living memory. Of course I'd have to be involved in charities, and hospitals, and orphanage. Not that I have anything against charities and such. But sometimes, when celebrities do it, it seems a bit...fake. Like it's all for show for someone's twisted benefits.

At this age, this kind of fantasy is properly over. Sounds like dull, stiff, stuffy life, being a princess. Especially for a person who expects so much freedom from a relationship. Sounds like it could kill.

Post 16: All the Pretty Girls

It's odd that when you really look around at the teen-aged (I'm talking 18+ when I mention teenagers in this post) and early twenties couples, most of the time, you will notice that the girl is on the pretty side. I'm talking about perfect hair, not a strand out of place; white, even teeth; flawless, glowing skin; gorgeous complexion; long slender limbs and a body which makes you crawl into a gym and not come out for the next 20 years. Personality-wise, they are often the type which are loud, outgoing and in your face. Kind of reminds me of one of my classmates back in secondary school. But hey, she was an attention-seeking Leo after all. Anyway, I digress. Do guys really like girls who are talk at the top of their lungs, are rude and inconsiderate to others? Or is it really the packaging of these girls which appealed to the males? Guess this is one of life's questions I will never have an answer to.

And the girls! I observed that often, those who had a chinese education (can usually tell from the way they speak, if not their short hair) are more inclined to date the Ah Tu Ah Kao and Ah Beng. You know, those dudes with the golden, longish hair, baggy, too-loose pants, usually dark-colored tees, with a ciggy in the mouths as an ornament, with a thick, often weaved metal chain hanging from their belts as an accessory? Maybe it's a matter of preference, but can you say eww? Sometimes the girls who hang out with this type of guys are really pretty, I so feel that they can do better elsewhere. And these guys aren't even that good looking, if the strength of relationship potential be measured by looks.

I guess some people say that it is attractive when a girl knows what she wants and how to get it. That's why there's a book titled "Why Men Marry Bitches" or some such. Er, that's because all the good ones are taken? The essence of the book (I haven't read it, but I've read snippets of it) is that men want women who have their own take on things, have their own life, and do not cling. And supposing that guys date the pretty ones, assuming that these are the girls who possess the qualities I just mentioned, it also implies that the lesser (in looks) ones, are clingy women, with no mind of their own, and doesn't have a life.

Gee, what a tragedy. But if it's any comfort, the nearer you are to being ready to get married and look for a life partner to settle down with, then you will marry the person most suited to you, regardless of looks, brains, opinions, what have you.

Post 15: Only Friends?

Before I begin, I have an issue to address. I find that I write better when I actually put pen to paper. My last couple of posts were written on paper before I typed it out. I dunno, just find that thoughts come easily to me when I revert to the old-fashioned way of writing.

So anyway. What do you think of men and women being "only friends"? Especially when one party wants more? Ah Hong asked me what I would do after I reject a guy. Hmm, I've never rejected any guy (sad but true), but in that position, I think I would still remain friends with him. Of course he might not want to remain friends, it might be awkward, he might find it hard to get over. But if you've never started going out with one another, then I think it is possible. Unless you feel so much, that you have to get away from that person to heal. It happens.

Anyway, there is this girl he likes who sort of found out that he likes her. And now they're not really talking. It's good that she is sending him the message loud and clear, "I don't fancy you!" but I think that she can be so much kinder to him. After all, when I asked him why they're not speaking, he said that she doesn't really want to talk so he took her cue from her. Huh. I don't see anything wrong with being friends, even if you don't feel the same way for the other person. Do you seriously think that having a friendship with them will make them think that they still have a chance somehow? Nope, I think not.

If I were in her position, I would say "I really like you as a friend, but I cannot see us as anything more than that", and I would still speak to him, hang out, but letting him know that it's all platonic.

Of course, she already has a boyfriend, and he's that madly jealous type. And he found out that there's some other guy who's interested in his girlfriend, and that if she doesn't stop talking to him, the mad boyfriend would lose his mind and set out to beat up the poor guy. That would justify her not speaking to him. Otherwise, it's insanity.

Post 13: Teenagers and Dating

I have recently joined Yahoo! Answers, and was browsing through the family and relationships section and was surprised to find that the questions here refresh every few seconds when something new pops up. What astounds me most is that the dating part of this section is frequented by kids as young as 11 years old. Why the hell are they so worried about dating so young? Most of them are westerners of course, but surely the trend could not be that much different here. My own sister started dating as young as 13 years old, Belle dated at around 15, and Becky started dating young too, I expect. But of course, that was all a good 7-8 years ago. A lot of things must have changed since then.

The one thing I noticed (from Yahoo! Answers) was that kids seem preoccupied with dating. An example is as follows:

"My sister is 11, and she and this guy likes each other but my mom will say no to dating. I've my first boyfriend at 11 (without my mom knowing) so I'm doing this for my sister. Is 11 to young to date? How can I go against Mom, her ideas are so stupid. I'm 17". (edited from memory)"

So my thoughts were, "You're only 17! You're not even old enough to be a legal guardian! So how do you know what's best for your 11-year-old sister!" When I do think back, we always thought that we were "old enough" for something (especially dating), but guess what? I don't think so now. What would an 11-year-old know about being in a relationship anyway?

And there were also posts which go "I want a gf/bf! How do I get one?" Now that is just lame. You don't go out and get a boyfriend like they were a can of sardines on a supermarket shelf. Which also leads me to this question: Why would you want a gf/bf for anyway? Especially if you're 14, why? Because it's cool? Because you're curious? Because you want to prove something? Wanting a gf/bf just to be part of a couple is pathetic, and not a good enough reason to be in a relationship with someone. Anyway, I personally think that the main reasons kids are dating young these days are because...

"All my friends are dating!" Are you sure all your friends are dating? Seriously? So what! Take a listen to David Archuleta, "...good things come to those who wait". Are you just going to date a guy because he happens to be available and you're desperate? Chances are, you're just so going to end up with a clueless jerk, wondering why in the whole wide world you dated him anyway. What? You're 15 and totally in love, and are going to get married and I'm some deluded old hag and don't know what I'm talking about? Wait, you don't even know what love is. I've got 10 years on you and I'm still figuring out what it is, and I sure as hell did know know what it was back when I was your age. Oh, and I've eaten more salt then you have rice. Marrying their high school sweethearts is not for everyone, especially if you've only been dating for 2 months.

Or what about this:

"My boyfriend wants me to give him a blowjob. He said I should do it because he's my boyfriend. We're both 13. Should I do it?"

I was seriously, "WTF?!" Barely in their teens and discussing bj's? If I were her, the only thing he's getting is a break up, honestly. And if she was confused about it to be asking Yahoo! Answers, then there is seriously a problem with either her, or the relationship, or both. She is being pressured into doing things she has doubts and is not comfortable with. But then again, if it were me, of course I would doubt the guy instead. There's no points for guessing what he's going to ask of her next, after he's gotten what he wants. It's just the same thing for another girl, age unknown, who was wondering if doing "sexual stuff" with her best friend's brother, whom she likes, would make him like her in return, after he's hinted that he'd like to do "sexual stuff" with her. Geez, being born into late Generation Y and early Generation Z where information is readily available to anyone, you'd think that they would have read about naive girls who were tricked into having sex (and later dumped, or worse, murdered). I've never read any stories of love and romance where sex came first, mutual attraction next. Especially not in teenage romances, so I really wonder, where could these girls have gotten these sick ideas from. It is with no doubt the stupidest question I've heard any self-respecting female ask was, "If I had sex with him, maybe he'll fall in love with me". Not. He'll only think that you're easy and have little or no respect for you. And you'll only hate yourself for being so duh.

I think that while you're still in high school, it's better for you not to seriously date. There are always exceptions of course, we do know people who married their high school sweethearts, but that doesn't happen very often and we do not know how many years they dated prior to marriage, and whether the marriage ended or will end in divorce. Of course you can always enjoy going out with guys and spending time with them but when too many emotions are swirling around, things might get ugly. And with all that homework and exams and co-curricular activities and your period, it would be better if you don't have to worry about boys too.

And you wonder why the western girls look so old for their age (they can be 16 and look as old as me). That's the reason =)