Post 5: Does the Pain Ever Goes Away?

It is a common question asked on the ENA board by heartbroken souls. The honest answer? I have to say no. At least not anytime soon. It might take a few months for it to stop hurting. It may take a few years.

I find sometimes the memories just crop up, like deja vu. And then I thought back, experienced some flashback, and the pain resurfaces, even when I'm perfectly happy as I am now.  Only last week when I was doing the files when I suddenly went quiet, with what must have been a thoughtful expression on my face because Weng Hong looked at me and asked, "What's wrong?". I just shook my head at him, and shook myself out of it.

Sometimes it's just the little things that meant so much to you while you were together which throws you back into a pained state. Like when Cin In asked me whether I know of any corporations which uses IT in relation to their human resources when I thought of all the fucking times I'd helped with his assignments. Gosh, what was I thinking?

I'd like for it to go permanently away, but it just isn't feasible at the moment. The good thing is, it doesn't hurt as much now as it did back then. Also, it probably wasn't even losing him that caused the pain, nor was it the intelligence of my relationship going down the drain. It might be the sense of betrayal or the indignity of be cheated on which lead to all the hurt still caught up inside me.

Which makes sense because every time I rinse and repeat, it's always how much and dum-dum I was for having suffered all his gum-gum behavior - chew and spit. Therefore, I conclude the pain can still be there for reasons other than being dumped or replaced. And it will remain there til we learn to forgive. Great, this means mine is stuck here for eternity for this is one thing I can never bring myself to forgive nor forget.