Post 20: How I Got Over My Break-up

Does it ever bring back not-so-sweet memories! A couple of days before CNY, my sis broke up with her bf of almost 2 years, citing irreconcilable differences. Well, her ex is not accepting it very well and had to have long, lengthy discussions, with my sis just saying a few words in between, while his lines were measured in yards. Drama-worthy stuff.

To cut the chase. My sis get more and more annoyed as the days go by. This is because the ex keeps texting at all hours. 3am, 5am, 6am...sometimes several texts at once. In fact, he texted me too, when he found out that she has been talking to another guy who happens to have a girlfriend. He wondered if my sis knew that this guy has a girlfriend, and told me to gauge her reaction, warn her about him, bla and bla and bla.

I asked sis how the ex knew about this guy and his girlfriend and sis suspected that he hacked into her Facebook account, which he denied, all of four times, before finally admitting to it. And then all hell broke lose. I don't wanna talk about it. I'm here to talk about how he (they) could have avoided all this drama and get a move on healing.

STEP 1: DO NOT KEEP IN CONTACT WITH THE EX
This step is the most, most, MOST IMPORTANT aspect for you to heal. That was what I did after two long, drawn out months of being strung along. Wished that I'd done it so much sooner. I would have seemed less pathetic that way. Best way to do this is just drop off the face of earth. There is no need to seek closure and permission from your ex. The fact that they do not want to date you anymore is reason enough. They do not value your uniqueness and they are about to be spared from it. It also helps to wean you off all forms of communication such as the telephone and the internet. If you go no contact on them, you need not wait for hours by your phone only to feel dreadfully disappointed when they do not text or call. And when disappear, they start looking for you. And they will text, IM, try to call even. It's extremely satisfying when you do not text, IM or call back. It becomes a power struggle but you feel extremely in control of your emotions and feelings when you do not seek to connect or reconnect with your ex, even if they initiated it. After a break-up, all that crying, wheedling, begging, pleading, sobbing, weeping, fainting, vomiting, texting, reasoning is going to make you look pathetic, weak, clingy and needy in your ex's eyes. So by not contacting them no more, you are getting the power in the "unrelationship" back for yourself. And does it feel good. And liberating.

STEP 2: GET A NEW PHONE NUMBER AND NOT LET THE EX KNOW
The point of this is pretty simple. If your ex can't call you, you won't be tempted to call back.

STEP 3: DO NOT PLAY THE FRIENDS CARD
It's only going to backfire on you. Your ex is never going to see you as a desirable, attractive partner once you've been friend-zoned. And as a friend, you're going to be hearing all about your ex's hot new date, sexy new partner, new relationship, new fiance/fiancee which will only go so far as to set you back. And in a big way too. Nothing is going to hurt more than seeing your ex with someone new. And as a friend, you've gotta take it the way a friend does: feel happy for your ex. But you're literally dying inside. Sounds like fun, yes? You're also getting a pretty raw deal because he/she will expect you to be supportive and encouraging, but they will not be able to give you what you crave, which is, a relationship. No. You have enough friends as it is, you don't need another. Especially not a friend who makes you cry yourself to sleep at night.

STEP 4: AVOID PLACES YOUR EX FREQUENT
Like the plague. Because who knows how you'll handle yourself? You might think that you're find and you're strong enough to carry yourself well if you happen to bump into your ex, or worse, your ex with a date on his/her arm. Who knows? You might just breakdown and cry in the middle of the mall, or get so drunk at a pub that you make a complete fool of yourself. For your ex to see. He/she will only throw a pity party for you. So avoid at all cost your ex's haunts. Instead, go to some place where your ex usually won't be at.

STEP 5: TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF
Get a better job. Get more sleep. Get healthy. Get some new clothes. Get new hair. Get that manicure or pedicure. Save the whales. Save the environment. Do whatever it is that makes you happy and make you feel great. Or you may instead do something you've always wanted to do, but didn't get around to. I got new hair and some totally new clothes (which he didn't like, well whatever, eff him) and it was awesome. A confidence boost for me because I was down in the dumps. Remember, when you look great, you feel great. So I'll recommend retail therapy to anyone anytime. Just don't max out that credit card.

STEP 6: SPEND TIME WITH FAMILY AND FRIENDS
Have one, glorious cry or rant or rave and then talk about something else. Plan your free time wisely and spend it with family and friends if possible, because being with people takes your mind off the ex. When you're alone at home, your mind somehow keeps drifting back to the unattainable one. So spend as much time out of the house as possible, and with friends.

STEP 7: LIVING WELL IS THE BEST REVENGE
The ex, upon dumping you, expects you to pine for them, and grow ill and thin and sallow, and yellow and pale and pathetic. To an extend, they think they are the catch, they are the prize. Well that's so over. Go out and get a life. They ain't coming back (most of the time) and if they do, do you really want to give them another opportunity to stamp all over your broken heart. If they did it once, they can do it again, so screw them and go out and live a marvelous life!

My biggest regret is that I should have done it sooner, if I knew any better. So hopefully I'm being some help to those who finds it difficult to cope.

Post 19: Happy Valentine's Day

Dear All,

It's Valentine's Day today. Time to spread the love!

There does seem to be a whole load of it on Facebook it seems. My Facebook News Feed is flooded with Valentine's Day wishes, mushy messages to significant others, corny red roses and bears, you name it, it's on my feed. Heck, I'm one of those spammers.

Question: Is Valentine's Day becoming more of a commercial holiday than any other holiday of the year?

Fact: Yesterday I spent minutes and minutes in the chocolate aisle in Cold Storage trying to pick the best gourmet chocolate.

Fact: I picked up the one which has the best packaging and didn't look too corny (sis was complaining that every box/bar I picked was "corny"). I immediately dropped it back onto the shelf when sis told me that it contained only nine, friggin' NINE pieces of chocolate @ 35.99. Forget it.

Fact: I was going to go with a nice-looking 20-piece Belgian chocolate affair in hearts, and then sis went, "typical, pick the typical, cheesy heart-shaped chocolate in a box". I put that back too.

Fact: Sis said I should go for a white chocolate assemble. So I chose a selection of white chocolate when sis asked, "does he like white chocolate?" Silence. I did not know. (But now I do, and yes he does). So back went the white chocolate. Damn. Chocolate shopping is hard.

Fact: In the end I chose a few unique chocolate like pecan and caramel, and pistachio and almond filled. You get the idea. Oh, and a classic Belgian bar too. Chocolate = Belgian.

Fact: Do not go buying chocolates (or any other V-day offerings) with your sister. She'll say everything is cheesy/corny and you spend more time than intended.

Fact: A giant Memory Lane card costs an upwards of RM25. And it will go straight under your bed anyway. A Hallmark card costs RM14 and it looks just the same as a RM2.90 one.

Fact: No matter how cheesy a big furry stuffed bear is, I still want one! Especially the "Me to You" ones with patches and looking so pathetic that you just want to bring him home.

Fact: All girls love getting flowers. And I've been waiting to get some for years and years. I've lost hope. A rose on Valentine's Day starts at an approximate RM10. Yep, a SINGLE, SOLITARY rose. Can't help. Had to cap that.

Fact: A dinner for two on Valentine's Day always cost more than dinner for five on any normal day. It's always nice to wine and dine out on Valentine's Day but the lighter wallet will make you regret it. But then hey, am I worth it or not?

Conclusion: Yes, Valentine's Day is very commercialized.

Happy Valentine's Day to everyone!

P/S: If I read one more mushy, sickening, stomach-churning, V-Day message to "baby", "darling", "sweety cake", "honey bunny"..and the like, I'm honestly gonna hurl. At you.