Lil Relationships Blog

Post 23: The Good, the Bad and the Ugly

2011-10-01T20:43:00.000+08:00

I think I have been away from my blog for a really long time because deng! New layout/features! Still figuring how things work but anyway.

Two weeks ago, my significant other booked me into my third visit this month to our favourite restaurant. The occassion? "Bring Your Partners Out" - male version. To be honest, I wasn't exactly thrilled. I'm really terrible with people. Especially those I'd never met. Even more so when I'm expected to make a good impression.

The morning started with a call from one of the guys stating that his wife had gone into labour. He was wondering what time we were meeting up. Clearly I was unimpressed with his attitude. There is no way E was going anywhere if I'm the one on the verge of giving birth. Talk about bad prioritizing. Anyway, let's call him Alpha Male.

So Alpha Male met us for lunch while his wife was in the process of giving birth. He ordered some meat dish and also ordered some kind of sandwich, which he barely ate, just because he can. You know, E asked if I was going to blog about this and hell yes I bloody well am (doing it now) because how can I let such a fantastic opportunity pass me by?

Alpha Male is exactly the kind of guy Ryan Higa, KevJumba and Chester See were talking (or rather singing) about in their Nice Guy video. Honestly, he even had his baseball cap angled (what was it, 43 degress? Or something).

The YTF guys should have included a couple more lines which goes "Oh, you're giving birth to my son? Look, I couldn't care less, I'm too busy having fun". I really thank my lucky stars I'm not his wife. Wait that wasn't fair. Maybe he's really sweet to her. But I thought he was loud and obnoxious and he thinks himself real funny. It was like, he was his own biggest fan. In fact, I think he's in the same league as my Form 2 boys, except that they are actually funny. Moving on, I ain't wasting no more words.

Next, there was Meat Guy and his girlfriend, who I'll call "the Good". E recommended the Filet Mignon to him, which he had difficulty finishing because he also had to eat half of his girlfriend's Chicken Maryland, which she either fed him with or put on his plate. And also her mushroom soup which E ordered on her behalf because they seemed overwhelmed with the selection. Except of course she doesn't eat mushrooms. (Or beef or lamb or pork. She only eats chicken and fish and I'm guessing she doesn't really like chicken that much because it's a sore sight, her constantly shoving her food down her man's throat. I guess that is really sweet because I am so sure he is incapable of feeding himself. Not in public anyway. So you see now why she's named "the Good".

When Meat Guy, towards the end of the meal seemed to have trouble finishing his food, she went "Here, let me help you eat", all in a huff. That was nice of her and something she should have done 30 minutes ago. It was either that, or she should have just sucked it up and ate her own food.

When E invited them to watch Johnny English with us after lunch, Meat Guy proudly announced that his girlfriend doesn't watch movies with unfamiliar actors/actresses in them, nor English movies. To which, E proudly responded that I don't watch Chinese movies (which pretty much makes sense since I don't understand the language). But not watching English movies? You cannot say that you don't understand English? It's something you learn at school. Even in the Chinese and Tamil medium ones. (Seriously there must be something really wrong with the teaching and learning of English in schools these days). Anyway, they later bought tickets to Johnny English, no pun intended.

The other couple, Fish Guy (E recommended a fish dish he found really good). His girlfriend earned the nickname "the Bad" because upon meeting the guy's parents, his mom told him that this was not a good girl to be dating, thus, "the Bad". Funnier still, her mom thought that he was not a good guy to be going out with as well. There you go, at least the moms are in agreement. She is also christened "the Bad" because she gives awkward, shy, wallflower girlfriends like me a bad name. Seriously! She'd never met any of us before but it sure doesn't stop her from being chummy-chum-chum. With the guys, obviously, not with us girls. She wasn't stupid, she knew who she was supposed to be impressing. It was all out all the time. I tend to get uncomfortable, or sometimes even sick, around people like that. I barely know you, so let's not act like we're BFF's. Not like she tried it on me. It must be my pervading evil aura. It must have hung over the lunch table like some invisible misty cloud. LOL.

Finally, there was also "the Ugly", i.e. me. I was easily the ugliest (and fattest) around. I was the one languishing in last place. I sat there cool as an ice queen (only not quite as pretty) methodically nom-ing away my mushroom soup, lasagne and bf's vegetables (people get Chicken Maryland I get broccoli and cauliflower...tears up, fogs glass). I looked bored and was like a round peg trying to fit into a square hole. The guys were talking about PSP games and showing off their gizmo phones and Ipads, yakking away about the good old days.

This showing each other up in front of their girlfriends is kinda lame. Now I know I sound like some disgruntled bitch but the girls are no better. Stop bloody feeding your boyfriends (refer previous post). It's not cute and does not serve to prove how much you love them. To me, it just seems forced and unnatural and really looks like you have something to prove (or maybe I'm just way too comfortable with E). I dunno. I feed E all the time just not in front of a table full of people. I just couldn't bring myself to do it without feeling like some fake.

Another note to girls. Stop trying so hard and just be yourself. I don't think there is anything wrong with sitting there quietly (wait, yes, there is) because frolicky conversations in a language you can't even understand, let alone speak (mandarin) fail to interest you.

Ah well. Then again, I probably wasn't being fair. Maybe "the Good" really does enjoy ~~shovelling food down her guy's throat~~ nurturing her man whether anyone is watching or not and "the Bad" really is ~~an overzealous~~ a social butterfly who acts that way in whichever gathering she attends.

If that is the case, then let no one blame me for being the chilly, quiet, disinterested bitch, 'mkay?

Post 22: What Are You Trying To Prove?

2011-06-12T21:45:00.000+08:00

The title says it all. That is the exact thought which streaks through my mind every time I see a girl update her Facebook profile with something along the lines of "Had a great time with my [insert term of endearment here] [insert boyfriend's name here]" It gets worse when there are TWO pet names side by side. Like "honey muffin" and "sugar darling" or "sweetie baby". Eww. And I absolutely detest to see the words "lovely" and "wonderful" in the that kind of sentence. Makes it sounds so sickeningly sweet. Semantics much? You bet. Especially when you, like me, see "Had a lovely time with my sweetie sunshine today. I love you dhie, muacks" so so so many times. Makes me wanna puke, really.

I cannot help but wonder, what is the purpose to all these status updates? Yes I know this is the Age of Facebook and everyone can't wait to inform the world what they are up to as much as possible, from being engaged right down to getting their period. So far, I've come to two conclusions.

The first conclusion is that these girls are trying to convince people that they are extremely happy in their relationship. Perfect, extremely caring and wonderful guy. Everything is rainbows and roses and sunshines and butterflies and candy and chocolates. Yea, we've heard it the first time, you don't have to remind us 200 more times. It gets kinda tired and tacky after awhile. As for those who actually enjoy looking at and commenting on this kind of "Oh look at me! I'm so happy in my relationship!" parroting either has no life or secretly hoping that she could do that one day too. And on the other hand, don't tell me that your relationship is that perfect, and then some. Honestly no relationship is ever perfect. It's a lot of work and compromise and giving and sharing and caring and understanding. You're bound to come across some form of disagreement or dissatisfaction. Don't act like it's something only other couples deal with, and not you. I think it's called denial. Otherwise, I will say that it's just the honeymoon period. Trouble usually hits between the second and third year when the dust has settled and you become way more comfortable with each other.

The second conclusion I attribute to insecurity. I believe that expressing their love to the whole wide (internet) world (web) makes these girls feel the seal of security on her relationship. I don't know, this is kinda hard to explain. I suppose girls who do not have partners feel insecure, and girls who do cannot help letting everyone they know know that they are taken. Like it somehow makes them more superior, to I don't know what exactly. Does having a guy make you superior to girls who are single? No. And does your love life really need to be an open book? Kind of rubbing it in much?

I mean why in the world, why why why, do you need to let the whole online world know? It makes you feel important? It makes you feel special? I know you're already special in that one person's eyes? You don't have the make the rest feel unwanted, and ugly, and fat, and unattractive and desperate. Keep it to yourself. I don't wanna hear about your fantastic time every other day, or what you ate and who you ate with.

Whatever's happen to privacy?

I know, if I don't wanna know then don't look at it. But it's kinda hard to avoid something that crops up every few days without fail, especially the weekend.

Put a lid on it. Follow the guys' example.

Post 21: [Sidetrack] Hottest Ever Guys!

2011-04-01T23:26:00.001+08:00

1st of April! Time for a celebratory post to celebrate Spring! (I know we don't have the Four Seasons in Malaysia, but we can just pretend we do). In this post, I, LilBear will bring you some of the hottest guys in the entertainment industry (as voted by friends and myself, haha). Buckle up girls!

I'll start off with my sister's pick: Jang Geun-suk. He is a South Korean model-singer-actor who is most well-known for portraying band leader Hwang Tae Kyung in the South Korean drama, You're Beautiful. He will be next seen in the Korean adaptation of Kimi Wa Petto. (God, I love that drama).

Here's a picture. He's good-looking I guess. I've come to a conclusion that Korean guys always look very polished. Kinda like, made from porcelain.

Jang Geun-suk

Another actor whom she thinks is cute is Noh Min Woo. This Gemini guy starred in My Girlfriend is a Nine-tailed Fox.

Noh Min Woo

Erm, not bad, but they kinda look alike to me.

Miss P. voted for Jensen Ackles, who has acted in Dawson's Creek, Smallville and Supernatural. Cute, but married. Oh well.

Jensen Ackles in black and white

She also favors the boys from Boys Over Flowers, the Korean adaptation of Hana Yori Dango, Lee Min Ho, Kim Hyun Joong, Kim Bum, and Kim Joon.

The guys from Boys Over Flowers

Miss J thinks Justin Bieber is cute. You know, the teenaged singer discovered off YouTube. He is, I think, in a kiddie kinda way. Hey, he is not even of age. Eeek.. pedo spotted!

Justin Bieber and his melting-hearts-of-teenaged-girls-gaze

Actually, I don't like his Bieber 'do. But he looks ok here. Mind you, I searched for a photo where he doesn't look like a sohai.

J also thinks that Wang Lee Hom is hot. This I can't say I disagree. I've always admired guys who plays musical instruments. Lee Hom is a very talented musician.

The talented Lee Hom

As for me, I'd definitely say Shirota Yuu is the hottest guy around. He's a Japanese-Spanish singer, actor and model popularized by the drama series Hanazakari no Kimitachi e and The Prince of Tennis. By the way, Hanazakari no Kimitachi e otherwise known as Hana Kimi, is a must-watch. How can any girl say no to cute guy after cute guy? (Well, most of them are cute, it is a school for cute guys anyway)

The cast of Hanazakari no Kimitachi e

And this is Shirota Yuu, my hot guy pick. Drool max.

Japanese-Spanish Shirota Yuu

In addition, I also like Oguri Shun and Ikuta Toma.

Ikuta Toma, of M.A.I.N.

Oguri Shun who plays Hanazawa Rui in Hana Yori Dango and Sano Izumi in Hanazakari no Kimitachi e

One of the best scenes from Hanazakari no Kimitachi e in my opinion

What do you think of Taiwanese singer/actor Wu Chun from Fahrenheit?

Goh Kiat Chun @ Wu Chun

This Brunei-born Wu Chun really reminds me of Wang Lee Hom in terms of looks.

From a western angle, Chris Pine is choice.

Chris Pine looking suave

But you know who's the cutest of them all?

Shih Tzu zai, Pudding-chan!

The family dog! Now tell me he ain't cute.

Post 20: How I Got Over My Break-up

2011-02-16T23:00:00.000+08:00

Does it ever bring back not-so-sweet memories! A couple of days before CNY, my sis broke up with her bf of almost 2 years, citing irreconcilable differences. Well, her ex is not accepting it very well and had to have long, lengthy discussions, with my sis just saying a few words in between, while his lines were measured in yards. Drama-worthy stuff.

To cut the chase. My sis get more and more annoyed as the days go by. This is because the ex keeps texting at all hours. 3am, 5am, 6am...sometimes several texts at once. In fact, he texted me too, when he found out that she has been talking to another guy who happens to have a girlfriend. He wondered if my sis knew that this guy has a girlfriend, and told me to gauge her reaction, warn her about him, bla and bla and bla.

I asked sis how the ex knew about this guy and his girlfriend and sis suspected that he hacked into her Facebook account, which he denied, all of four times, before finally admitting to it. And then all hell broke lose. I don't wanna talk about it. I'm here to talk about how he (they) could have avoided all this drama and get a move on healing.

STEP 1: DO NOT KEEP IN CONTACT WITH THE EX
This step is the most, most, MOST IMPORTANT aspect for you to heal. That was what I did after two long, drawn out months of being strung along. Wished that I'd done it so much sooner. I would have seemed less pathetic that way. Best way to do this is just drop off the face of earth. There is no need to seek closure and permission from your ex. The fact that they do not want to date you anymore is reason enough. They do not value your uniqueness and they are about to be spared from it. It also helps to wean you off all forms of communication such as the telephone and the internet. If you go no contact on them, you need not wait for hours by your phone only to feel dreadfully disappointed when they do not text or call. And when disappear, they start looking for you. And they will text, IM, try to call even. It's extremely satisfying when you do not text, IM or call back. It becomes a power struggle but you feel extremely in control of your emotions and feelings when you do not seek to connect or reconnect with your ex, even if they initiated it. After a break-up, all that crying, wheedling, begging, pleading, sobbing, weeping, fainting, vomiting, texting, reasoning is going to make you look pathetic, weak, clingy and needy in your ex's eyes. So by not contacting them no more, you are getting the power in the "unrelationship" back for yourself. And does it feel good. And liberating.

STEP 2: GET A NEW PHONE NUMBER AND NOT LET THE EX KNOW
The point of this is pretty simple. If your ex can't call you, you won't be tempted to call back.

STEP 3: DO NOT PLAY THE FRIENDS CARD
It's only going to backfire on you. Your ex is never going to see you as a desirable, attractive partner once you've been friend-zoned. And as a friend, you're going to be hearing all about your ex's hot new date, sexy new partner, new relationship, new fiance/fiancee which will only go so far as to set you back. And in a big way too. Nothing is going to hurt more than seeing your ex with someone new. And as a friend, you've gotta take it the way a friend does: feel happy for your ex. But you're literally dying inside. Sounds like fun, yes? You're also getting a pretty raw deal because he/she will expect you to be supportive and encouraging, but they will not be able to give you what you crave, which is, a relationship. No. You have enough friends as it is, you don't need another. Especially not a friend who makes you cry yourself to sleep at night.

STEP 4: AVOID PLACES YOUR EX FREQUENT
Like the plague. Because who knows how you'll handle yourself? You might think that you're find and you're strong enough to carry yourself well if you happen to bump into your ex, or worse, your ex with a date on his/her arm. Who knows? You might just breakdown and cry in the middle of the mall, or get so drunk at a pub that you make a complete fool of yourself. For your ex to see. He/she will only throw a pity party for you. So avoid at all cost your ex's haunts. Instead, go to some place where your ex usually won't be at.

STEP 5: TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF
Get a better job. Get more sleep. Get healthy. Get some new clothes. Get new hair. Get that manicure or pedicure. Save the whales. Save the environment. Do whatever it is that makes you happy and make you feel great. Or you may instead do something you've always wanted to do, but didn't get around to. I got new hair and some totally new clothes (which he didn't like, well whatever, eff him) and it was awesome. A confidence boost for me because I was down in the dumps. Remember, when you look great, you feel great. So I'll recommend retail therapy to anyone anytime. Just don't max out that credit card.

STEP 6: SPEND TIME WITH FAMILY AND FRIENDS
Have one, glorious cry or rant or rave and then talk about something else. Plan your free time wisely and spend it with family and friends if possible, because being with people takes your mind off the ex. When you're alone at home, your mind somehow keeps drifting back to the unattainable one. So spend as much time out of the house as possible, and with friends.

STEP 7: LIVING WELL IS THE BEST REVENGE
The ex, upon dumping you, expects you to pine for them, and grow ill and thin and sallow, and yellow and pale and pathetic. To an extend, they think they are the catch, they are the prize. Well that's so over. Go out and get a life. They ain't coming back (most of the time) and if they do, do you really want to give them another opportunity to stamp all over your broken heart. If they did it once, they can do it again, so screw them and go out and live a marvelous life!

My biggest regret is that I should have done it sooner, if I knew any better. So hopefully I'm being some help to those who finds it difficult to cope.

Post 19: Happy Valentine's Day

2011-02-14T18:30:00.000+08:00

Dear All,

It's Valentine's Day today. Time to spread the love!

There does seem to be a whole load of it on Facebook it seems. My Facebook News Feed is flooded with Valentine's Day wishes, mushy messages to significant others, corny red roses and bears, you name it, it's on my feed. Heck, I'm one of those spammers.

Question: Is Valentine's Day becoming more of a commercial holiday than any other holiday of the year?

Fact: Yesterday I spent minutes and minutes in the chocolate aisle in Cold Storage trying to pick the best gourmet chocolate.

Fact: I picked up the one which has the best packaging and didn't look too corny (sis was complaining that every box/bar I picked was "corny"). I immediately dropped it back onto the shelf when sis told me that it contained only nine, friggin' NINE pieces of chocolate @ 35.99. Forget it.

Fact: I was going to go with a nice-looking 20-piece Belgian chocolate affair in hearts, and then sis went, "typical, pick the typical, cheesy heart-shaped chocolate in a box". I put that back too.

Fact: Sis said I should go for a white chocolate assemble. So I chose a selection of white chocolate when sis asked, "does he like white chocolate?" Silence. I did not know. (But now I do, and yes he does). So back went the white chocolate. Damn. Chocolate shopping is hard.

Fact: In the end I chose a few unique chocolate like pecan and caramel, and pistachio and almond filled. You get the idea. Oh, and a classic Belgian bar too. Chocolate = Belgian.

Fact: Do not go buying chocolates (or any other V-day offerings) with your sister. She'll say everything is cheesy/corny and you spend more time than intended.

Fact: A giant Memory Lane card costs an upwards of RM25. And it will go straight under your bed anyway. A Hallmark card costs RM14 and it looks just the same as a RM2.90 one.

Fact: No matter how cheesy a big furry stuffed bear is, I still want one! Especially the "Me to You" ones with patches and looking so pathetic that you just want to bring him home.

Fact: All girls love getting flowers. And I've been waiting to get some for years and years. I've lost hope. A rose on Valentine's Day starts at an approximate RM10. Yep, a SINGLE, SOLITARY rose. Can't help. Had to cap that.

Fact: A dinner for two on Valentine's Day always cost more than dinner for five on any normal day. It's always nice to wine and dine out on Valentine's Day but the lighter wallet will make you regret it. But then hey, am I worth it or not?

Conclusion: Yes, Valentine's Day is very commercialized.

Happy Valentine's Day to everyone!

P/S: If I read one more mushy, sickening, stomach-churning, V-Day message to "baby", "darling", "sweety cake", "honey bunny"..and the like, I'm honestly gonna hurl. At you.

Post 18: Everyone's Getting Married

2011-01-18T17:43:00.000+08:00

All right. I know that that's an unfounded generalization but it sure does seem that way to me. I'd just been on Facebook and found out that my sister's friend from kindergarten is getting married. My next-door-neighbour had her wedding reception last weekend. My cousin's coming back from Canberra to get married in late February. A couple of my old RO friends wedded last October. What were we children thinking?

There also seemed to be an abundance of "Bobby is engaged to Barbara" posts on Facebook. I think Facebook makes it so easy for us to update our relationship "status". One fella even updated his Facebook profile at the altar after the priest proclaimed them man and wife from "engaged" to "married". I have friends with the "engaged" tag. I dunno, I might find it important when my turn comes, if it ever does.

So what's the deal with marriages? To me, it is a life-long contract, commitment, pledge, vow, to stick with someone no matter what happens. Pretty big deal, right? So I absolutely do not understand why kids are falling over themselves to get married before they're not even a quarter of a century old. What would you think would be the perfect age to get married? I would like to get married in my late 20s, that would be the ideal for me.

I'm not afraid of commitment. I'm committed to my job, my birth order as the eldest in the family, to my star sign of Sagittarius (no, I haven't converted to a Serpenttarius, I despise snakes), to my relationship. But I do enjoy my freedom, very much.

Actually, I'm in a bit of a dilemma. Of course I want to get married, most girls do. I don't know about the radical feminists, but I see nothing anti-feminism about wanting to be part of a couple (maybe even a same sexed couple). But I have no idea when, and how.

After my stint in CLHS, I really have no idea where I'll be chucked. Most likely the rural areas. Elf's suggestion is that we get a marriage registry so that I would be able to remain in Penang. Anyway, marriage registry or not, I don't even want to go to East Malaysia. And it is not because of the KFC. Or McDonalds'. So I'd most likely look for another job on the peninsular. Or I'll just get married.

Post 17: Marrying a Prince

2010-12-12T15:22:00.000+08:00

I write this in response to the announcements of Prince William's engagement to Kate Middleton. Both are 28 years old and will be married in April 2011. I'm sure this is the stuff of every little girl's fantasy, marrying a prince. Or at least imagining she is a princess. But you get a little older, and wiser, and then realize that there are only so many princes in this world. I wonder what it's like, being a real-life princess?

Firstly, I suppose I would have to eat things like caviar, and pate, and all that gourmet food. I've never had any of those things. I don't even like those fish roe, even the ones which came with sushi. And I am no longer able to walk into McDonald's without a bodyguard. Or KFC. Or PastaMania. Or Burger King.

I'll probably have princess lessons like Mia in The Princess Diaries. God knows I need them. I would probably have to be drilled in royal protocol and matters of etiquette. So that I wouldn't make a fool of the royal family.

They would probably hire me a stylist, hairstylist and make-up artist. And probably a trainer or two. And a nutritionist. And a manicurist. And a chauffeur. And maybe a butler. Some security. A personal assistant. Because I would be representing the royal family. And I have to look immaculate. Nice little pressed suits in pastel colors. Not a strand of hair out of place. I'd probably have to take up horseback riding. Or polo. Or cricket or whatever it is that royals play. No more RO and Perfect World for me.

I have to really watch what I say. Because who has ever heard of an outspoken, rude princess? Or even a sarcastic one? None in living memory. Of course I'd have to be involved in charities, and hospitals, and orphanage. Not that I have anything against charities and such. But sometimes, when celebrities do it, it seems a bit...fake. Like it's all for show for someone's twisted benefits.

At this age, this kind of fantasy is properly over. Sounds like dull, stiff, stuffy life, being a princess. Especially for a person who expects so much freedom from a relationship. Sounds like it could kill.

Post 16: All the Pretty Girls

2010-12-04T13:55:00.000+08:00

It's odd that when you really look around at the teen-aged (I'm talking 18+ when I mention teenagers in this post) and early twenties couples, most of the time, you will notice that the girl is on the pretty side. I'm talking about perfect hair, not a strand out of place; white, even teeth; flawless, glowing skin; gorgeous complexion; long slender limbs and a body which makes you crawl into a gym and not come out for the next 20 years. Personality-wise, they are often the type which are loud, outgoing and in your face. Kind of reminds me of one of my classmates back in secondary school. But hey, she was an attention-seeking Leo after all. Anyway, I digress. Do guys really like girls who are talk at the top of their lungs, are rude and inconsiderate to others? Or is it really the packaging of these girls which appealed to the males? Guess this is one of life's questions I will never have an answer to.

And the girls! I observed that often, those who had a chinese education (can usually tell from the way they speak, if not their short hair) are more inclined to date the Ah Tu Ah Kao and Ah Beng. You know, those dudes with the golden, longish hair, baggy, too-loose pants, usually dark-colored tees, with a ciggy in the mouths as an ornament, with a thick, often weaved metal chain hanging from their belts as an accessory? Maybe it's a matter of preference, but can you say eww? Sometimes the girls who hang out with this type of guys are really pretty, I so feel that they can do better elsewhere. And these guys aren't even that good looking, if the strength of relationship potential be measured by looks.

I guess some people say that it is attractive when a girl knows what she wants and how to get it. That's why there's a book titled "Why Men Marry Bitches" or some such. Er, that's because all the good ones are taken? The essence of the book (I haven't read it, but I've read snippets of it) is that men want women who have their own take on things, have their own life, and do not cling. And supposing that guys date the pretty ones, assuming that these are the girls who possess the qualities I just mentioned, it also implies that the lesser (in looks) ones, are clingy women, with no mind of their own, and doesn't have a life.

Gee, what a tragedy. But if it's any comfort, the nearer you are to being ready to get married and look for a life partner to settle down with, then you will marry the person most suited to you, regardless of looks, brains, opinions, what have you.

Post 15: Only Friends?

2010-10-13T11:48:00.000+08:00

Before I begin, I have an issue to address. I find that I write better when I actually put pen to paper. My last couple of posts were written on paper before I typed it out. I dunno, just find that thoughts come easily to me when I revert to the old-fashioned way of writing.

So anyway. What do you think of men and women being "only friends"? Especially when one party wants more? Ah Hong asked me what I would do after I reject a guy. Hmm, I've never rejected any guy (sad but true), but in that position, I think I would still remain friends with him. Of course he might not want to remain friends, it might be awkward, he might find it hard to get over. But if you've never started going out with one another, then I think it is possible. Unless you feel so much, that you have to get away from that person to heal. It happens.

Anyway, there is this girl he likes who sort of found out that he likes her. And now they're not really talking. It's good that she is sending him the message loud and clear, "I don't fancy you!" but I think that she can be so much kinder to him. After all, when I asked him why they're not speaking, he said that she doesn't really want to talk so he took her cue from her. Huh. I don't see anything wrong with being friends, even if you don't feel the same way for the other person. Do you seriously think that having a friendship with them will make them think that they still have a chance somehow? Nope, I think not.

If I were in her position, I would say "I really like you as a friend, but I cannot see us as anything more than that", and I would still speak to him, hang out, but letting him know that it's all platonic.

Of course, she already has a boyfriend, and he's that madly jealous type. And he found out that there's some other guy who's interested in his girlfriend, and that if she doesn't stop talking to him, the mad boyfriend would lose his mind and set out to beat up the poor guy. That would justify her not speaking to him. Otherwise, it's insanity.

Post 14: The Adjectives of Love

2010-08-02T20:41:00.000+08:00

Lately, I've been taking my writing more seriously, and am more disciplined about it. I try to write everyday with a goal to fill a notebook every month. I have loads and loads of writing prompts and ideas to help me deal with writer's block (which happens pretty much every time I sit in front of a notebook, holding a pen), and so I thought to include some of my rubbish on this blog. This is an exercise to describe what I'm feeling at the moment, and what it smells like. Warning: I'm a terrible poet.

Love smells sweet
Like the caramel popcorn at GSC
Like pink fluffy cotton candy
Like Johnson's baby milk lotion
Like a maraschino cherry atop a sundae
Like vanilla-scented candles
Like freshly baked apple pie
Like chocolates.

Love smells familiar
Like the essence of home
Like a favorite perfume
Like the flowers in the garden
Like the pages of a book
Like a mother's cooking
Like a comfy blanket
Like that someone special.

Post 13: Teenagers and Dating

2010-07-21T20:44:00.001+08:00

I have recently joined Yahoo! Answers, and was browsing through the family and relationships section and was surprised to find that the questions here refresh every few seconds when something new pops up. What astounds me most is that the dating part of this section is frequented by kids as young as 11 years old. Why the hell are they so worried about dating so young? Most of them are westerners of course, but surely the trend could not be that much different here. My own sister started dating as young as 13 years old, Belle dated at around 15, and Becky started dating young too, I expect. But of course, that was all a good 7-8 years ago. A lot of things must have changed since then.

The one thing I noticed (from Yahoo! Answers) was that kids seem preoccupied with dating. An example is as follows:

"My sister is 11, and she and this guy likes each other but my mom will say no to dating. I've my first boyfriend at 11 (without my mom knowing) so I'm doing this for my sister. Is 11 to young to date? How can I go against Mom, her ideas are so stupid. I'm 17". (edited from memory)"

So my thoughts were, "You're only 17! You're not even old enough to be a legal guardian! So how do you know what's best for your 11-year-old sister!" When I do think back, we always thought that we were "old enough" for something (especially dating), but guess what? I don't think so now. What would an 11-year-old know about being in a relationship anyway?

And there were also posts which go "I want a gf/bf! How do I get one?" Now that is just lame. You don't go out and get a boyfriend like they were a can of sardines on a supermarket shelf. Which also leads me to this question: Why would you want a gf/bf for anyway? Especially if you're 14, why? Because it's cool? Because you're curious? Because you want to prove something? Wanting a gf/bf just to be part of a couple is pathetic, and not a good enough reason to be in a relationship with someone. Anyway, I personally think that the main reasons kids are dating young these days are because...

"All my friends are dating!" Are you sure all your friends are dating? Seriously? So what! Take a listen to David Archuleta, "...good things come to those who wait". Are you just going to date a guy because he happens to be available and you're desperate? Chances are, you're just so going to end up with a clueless jerk, wondering why in the whole wide world you dated him anyway. What? You're 15 and totally in love, and are going to get married and I'm some deluded old hag and don't know what I'm talking about? Wait, you don't even know what love is. I've got 10 years on you and I'm still figuring out what it is, and I sure as hell did know know what it was back when I was your age. Oh, and I've eaten more salt then you have rice. Marrying their high school sweethearts is not for everyone, especially if you've only been dating for 2 months.

Or what about this:

"My boyfriend wants me to give him a blowjob. He said I should do it because he's my boyfriend. We're both 13. Should I do it?"

I was seriously, "WTF?!" Barely in their teens and discussing bj's? If I were her, the only thing he's getting is a break up, honestly. And if she was confused about it to be asking Yahoo! Answers, then there is seriously a problem with either her, or the relationship, or both. She is being pressured into doing things she has doubts and is not comfortable with. But then again, if it were me, of course I would doubt the guy instead. There's no points for guessing what he's going to ask of her next, after he's gotten what he wants. It's just the same thing for another girl, age unknown, who was wondering if doing "sexual stuff" with her best friend's brother, whom she likes, would make him like her in return, after he's hinted that he'd like to do "sexual stuff" with her. Geez, being born into late Generation Y and early Generation Z where information is readily available to anyone, you'd think that they would have read about naive girls who were tricked into having sex (and later dumped, or worse, murdered). I've never read any stories of love and romance where sex came first, mutual attraction next. Especially not in teenage romances, so I really wonder, where could these girls have gotten these sick ideas from. It is with no doubt the stupidest question I've heard any self-respecting female ask was, "If I had sex with him, maybe he'll fall in love with me". Not. He'll only think that you're easy and have little or no respect for you. And you'll only hate yourself for being so duh.

I think that while you're still in high school, it's better for you not to seriously date. There are always exceptions of course, we do know people who married their high school sweethearts, but that doesn't happen very often and we do not know how many years they dated prior to marriage, and whether the marriage ended or will end in divorce. Of course you can always enjoy going out with guys and spending time with them but when too many emotions are swirling around, things might get ugly. And with all that homework and exams and co-curricular activities and your period, it would be better if you don't have to worry about boys too.

And you wonder why the western girls look so old for their age (they can be 16 and look as old as me). That's the reason =)

Post 12: Happy 2nd Anniversary!

2010-06-12T23:29:00.001+08:00

To me! It's only been two years but it does seem so much longer than that! Ok, so this post is totally belated but I kinda had a wild time lately. Oh, and you might notice that it deviates from what I usually write on this blog. I'm taking some time out to celebrate my own relationship. Huhuhu.

For those who doesn't know the story, we were friends for some time before we went out together on our "first date" back in June 8th, 2008. I took him to Mizi in New World Park, and then we went to watch Kung Fu Panda. And he dropped me home. Oh, and he almost dropped me on the steep slope off the main road just outside my house. Then I kissed him goodnight on the cheek. He was like, "NOOOOOOOO..........!" But, whatever. I think he likes this part of the tale the most.

And this is my favorite part. He put me on probation. For two months. I have never heard of a two-month probation. It was August 13th when he asked me to go steady. Sadly, that was what I thought we were for the past two months, but no matter.

Towards the end of October that year (28-31) we both went on our very first trip, to Genting Highlands. He lost a bet to me, and the penalty was forking out on a trip to a destination of my choice. We spend two nights there, the rides were great, except I have Albert's brother constantly texting me, going, "Is my brother with you?" It was my first time in the casinos. Last time I went, I was not yet 21.

The Sunday after, he met with an accident which resulted in a (badly) broken leg, which he is still recovering from. Anyhoo, I met his mom, for the first time, at the Penang GH. Oh, did I mention that my parents met his mom too. OMG. I have to say that we spend a good part of our relationship in his house. We celebrated our past birthdays there, usually with a Pizza Hut delivery.

The first surgery he had did not go well, and everything feel apart after a few days of events involving my family, in October the following year; my sister's 21st, my aunt's BBQ party, and a family "chu char" dinner. He was scheduled to go for a second surgery in November, but it was postponed, a couple of times, to December 15th.

Luckily, that surgery went well and he is smoothly recovering from it. In February, I celebrated Chinese New Year for the first time with his family (there was plenty lots of them). And in March, his doctor said that he should be able to walk without his crutches. He gradually did so. We first walked to Maxim Air Itam for gelato, and we walked back to his house. Our next trip was to the mamak stall outside, and then to 7-11 for ice-cream, and back.

With our anniversary fast approaching, he said that he thought that his broken leg would mean the end of us. He didn't think that I would stick to him this long. Yes, I agree to that. It seems that Scorpios have this ability to self-destruct. He said that he is looking forward to our 3rd anniversary as that would mean the end of the "3-year-curse". I told him that this was pure nonsense, and he insisted that none of his previous relationship lasted longer than one-half years, and that 3 years is considered a milestone to him. He mentioned that we should get a marriage registry on our 3rd anniversary, and I told him we won't be ready, not for another 2 or 3 years. He said he has no problem with a marriage registry, but the wedding banquet won't be for another 15 years.

Ouch.

Post 11: Texting and E-mailing

2010-05-21T22:40:00.000+08:00

I was reading one of those online forums of which I am a part and I came across a post of a woman who broke up with her man because she felt that he wasn't giving enough. She felt that she wasn't as important as the other aspects and people in his life. And it was partly because he doesn't e-mail or text her at work. Oh. My. God.

Let's start with some numbers (get them out of the way). How many hours do you spend at work? 8-10 hours each day including breaks and commuting. Probably longer, let's day 12 hours if you have to work overtime. But we do know that the standard working hour for most people is around 8 hours a day.

Will it kill you if you don't hear from your significant other within that plus minus 8 hours? He has WORK to do. Maybe his job isn't as laid back as yours. Perhaps he might get a telling of if he makes calls or sends e-mails that is irrelevant to his job. Maybe he likes to keep personal matters out of the work place. You can't always think that just because he doesn't e-mail you when he's at work, doesn't mean he doesn't care about you.

The reason that lady gave was that he could e-mail his brother at work. Er? Maybe there is a reason why he does that? That there is urgent matter they need to discuss? After all, what is the point of e-mailing your girlfriend at work? It will just be "I miss you, I love you, I need you...bla bla bla" on repeat. You could do that outside work. Whereas when men contact men, you can be sure that it isn't that that they're mushing around. I don't call my brother just because either. I usually insert a question after "hello".

Do I text my bf at work? Nope, he doesn't reply as there's usually no credits on his phone, haha! I do call him for a few minutes during my break time though. Even if he has credits on his phone, I still wouldn't bother if he doesn't call or text. (He does, in case you're wondering). Work keeps me occupied. Lucky he doesn't have the mindset of a girl. That is, if I don't reply to his texts, means I don't care. Fortunate too, that he doesn't spam me with texts. =X

Are we women really so insecure that we would base our SO's love on work hours texts and e-mails? Geez, I really hope not.

Post 10: Count Your Blessings

2010-05-16T23:11:00.000+08:00

If only we could, every night before we sleep, feel thankful for the things we have, rather than wish upon a star for things we hope to get. See, not so selfish right? To celebrate my 10th post (yay!) here are the 10 things I am and will always be extremely grateful for. In no particular order (XD).

Family

Think of all the people who have lost their loved ones to war (like, back in the Napoleonic times, whatever), who have family living miles away from them, who have never known their mother/father/brother/sister/grandparents/aunts/uncles/cousins...bla bla. You know what? I sometimes don't value how loving and unique my mom, dad, sis and bro are. Yes, the drive me bananas sometimes, but it's hard imagining having another family.

Friends

No man is an island! This much is true for me, though I don't have lots and lots of friends, but those I do have, are supportive and loyal. They know who they are. The people who jumped right into the hot soup with me, and sometimes scoops me out with a ladle. Extremely fun and funny, you guys just make life easier to bear. At least I'm not the only bodoh one.

Home

I have a roof over my head! Looking back on the disasters from 2004 until now, I really am one of those lucky ones.

Food

I can eat anything I want, whenever I want, when some people only live on scraps, and some have nothing at all =( Don't start lecturing me when I'm pigging out about my weight. At least I'm not wasting food.

Money

Not rich, but at least I don't have to beg. I think that speaks enough for this topic.

Soap and Water

I'm totally serious. With such heat and humidity, thank goodness I get to bathe more than once a day. Ah...the simple luxuries of life.

Technology

Wonder what we'll do without Facebook, iPhone, GSC and Shopaholic novels. What will we do for comfort? Will I have to manually start a fire to roast me own chicken wings?

Unconditional Love

I am hot-tempered, am rude, am fat, am irrinoying, am lazy, am extravagant, am mean, scheming, evil and bitchy, but it's nice to know that someone loves me despite it all.

Literacy

I can read, write and count (not well, but still, I know how to count money, ha!) as are most Malaysians, but let's not forget our peers in other countries, they are not so fortunate.

Peace

There are no Ironman 2 inspired drones flying overhead. I count myself blessed.

Amen

Post 9: 12 Things You Don't Know About Women (by Esquire)

2010-04-27T10:15:00.001+08:00

I like this so much I'll just have to put the link up here.

http://dating.personals.yahoo.com/singles/datingtips/88620/dating-tips-12-things-you-dont-know-about-women

Post 8: Insecurities of Insecurities

2010-04-06T22:40:00.001+08:00

Insecure, defined as not sure or certain, doubtful, not firm or fixed, lacking stability, lacking self-confidence. On the other hand, insecurity is known as lack of confidence, self-doubt, quality of the state of being insecure, something insecure. Have any of you been insecure in a relationship? I have. Past and present. I think it's a matter of dealing with insecurities.

It may be the matter of me being a Sagittarius Sun and a Cancer Rising. I always ease in and out of confidence and insecurity. Maybe I'm like a werewolf, I feel like I change during the full moon or something. Anyway. I find insecurities often stem from background and maybe even socioeconomic status of a person. Like I've mentioned somewhere before, my siblings and I were all well-fed and watered as kids (even now) and we always knew that we were important to our parents and to each other. But going through school, I would say that my sister was the more outgoing of the three of us. She exudes confidence and was very popular among her peers. My bro is popular too, I would say, among his gang of gamer friends. As for me, I dunno, I am some kind of a loner, though I do enjoy being with friends once in a while. I never doubted that my friends like me, but I have always felt insecure about what others would think of me. I know, I know. Who cares what they think right? But you know you do care. You do care a whole lot. The "who cares" is just there to make yourself feel better about it. Yes, I'm hypersensitive. So?

Anyway, dealing with insecurities in relationships. I was insecure with my ex. Why? Many factors. Firstly, it was because girls like him. And I don't remember him ever giving me much assurance, if any at all. Then there was all that problem with my weight. Yes, I'm fat. He dated me for 2 years before I met his parents. And his mom thought he should ditch me because of my weight. And he had to go listen to his twisted, superficial mom and wanted me to go on a diet. And he didn't like me showing up at his workplace. WTF? Is there something wrong with your girlfriend paying you a short visit? It's not like I'm going to spend the rest of the day watching him work. How am I supposed to be happy with him is that was what he was putting me through? Oh, and things got better after we broke up, which I won't discuss any more. It's dead and done in my books anyway.

My current relationship is another different matter. I'm dealing with his "two girls". The first is his ex. You know, the one he cannot forget. He actually counted down to her birthday last time I checked. His response? He wants to remember the good. MMHMM. Right. It's been like, two years, and I already forgot most of my 3-year relationship, say, 80%? Oh, and he once mentioned that you can love someone, but not be able to be with that person because you are not compatible and that you're only able to live with someone who is compatible with you. Which leads me to think: Does he still love her? Ok, he does a lot for me which a boyfriend should and could. But I sometimes really do not know how he really feels about me. Seriously. Yes, he's a Scorpio. No, I'm not PMS-ing. GET OVER HER ALREADY. He said that he does not want to discuss his past because he knows it will hurt me. I'm actually divided over this. Do I really want to know? I know, curiosity kills the cat, ignorance is bliss and all that. But I want to know the TRUTH! We Sagittarians are all about knowing the truth. Well, now that I think about it, it could also be classified as being "busybody". So yes, weaving in and out of security regarding how much his past still mattered to him, and how big a part I play in his life.

The other girl. Ha. She's only seven years old. His little cousin. BUT. He spends more time with her than he does with me! Whine, whine, whine. So he has a broken leg, and they live in the same house. That doesn't mean that I cannot be annoyed with her. It so sometimes feel like we're competing for his attention. Of course when I'm around, he will be focused on me. And the little one always, always, always tries to butt in somehow. Not so much these days though because she does have to go to school. Now we get to the good bit. He sits through homework sessions with her! Geez, can't she do her own homework? She's only in Standard 1! We have dictionaries and revision books these days you know. Or you can just get a Besta. RM1598 will solve all the problems for you, no problem. Now that he's not working he sees her onto her vehicle to school and fetches her back from the gates and stuff. I hate the evenings. Mostly, I sit through 7pm to maybe 11pm or later while he makes sure she bathes and have dinner and goes through her homework. Yes I know I sound like a jealous whiny bitch. I am being one. BUT WHAT ABOUT ME! Ok, so maybe it's fair, I do work late too, and he has had to wait for me more than enough. That is work! This is voluntary services! Get her to do her own homework, or for the next ten years we'll be stuck sitting through all her homework sessions!

Oh well, guess it shows that you can never feel 100% secure in any relationship. Maybe it's a communication thing. We should learn to communicate better? Nah, kids just need to learn how to do their own homework. Enough ranting for one night.

Post 7: This One's for the Girls

2010-02-09T22:48:00.001+08:00

Came across this today. For all the ladies out there who thinks that no one wants them, thinks they're not good enough for their guy, considering taking back that cheating boyfriend, who thinks that it's ok if you want to get married but he doesn't (though he claims he loves you)...this goes out to you!

If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away.
If he doesn't want you, nothing can make him stay.
Stop making excuses for a man and his behaviour.
Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache.
Stop trying to change yourself for a relationship that's not meant to be.

Slower is better.

Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy.

If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve then heck no, you can't "be friends". A friend wouldn't mistreat a friend.
Don't settle.

If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is
Don't stay because you think "it will get better"
You'll be mad at yourself a year later for staying when things are not better.
The only person you can control in a relationship is you.

Avoid men who've got a bunch of children by a bunch of different women.

He didn't marry them when he got them pregnant, why would he treat you any differently?

Always have your own set of friends separate from his.
Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you. If something bothers you, speak up..

Never let a man know everything.* He will use it against you later.

You cannot change a man's behavior.* Change comes from within.

Don't EVER make him feel he is more important than you are...
Even if he has more education or in a better job.

Do not make him into a quasi-god.
He is a man, nothing more nothing less.
Never let a man define who you are.
Never borrow someone else's man.
If he cheated with you, he'll cheat on you.
A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you.

All men are NOT dogs.

You should not be the one doing all the bending...
Compromise is two way street.

You need time to heal between relationships...
There is nothing cute about baggage...
Deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship

You should never look for someone to COMPLETE you...
A relationship consists of two WHOLE individuals...
Look for someone complimentary...not supplementary.

Dating is fun...even if he doesn't turn out to be Mr. Right.

Make him miss you sometimes...when a man always know where you are, and you're always readily available to him - he takes it for granted

Never move into his mother's house. Never co-sign for a man.

Don't fully commit to a man who doesn't give you everything that you need.*
Keep him in your radar but get to know others.

Scared of being alone is what makes a lot of women stay in relationships that are abusive or hurtful: Dr. Phill

You should know that:
You're the best thing that could ever happen to anyone and if a man mistreats you, he'll miss out on a good thing. If he was attracted to you in the 1st place, just know that he's not the only one.

They're all watching you, so you have a lot of choices.
Make the right one.

Post 6: Do You Always Have to be in a Relationship?

2009-12-02T02:42:00.000+08:00

I really don't know which is worse. A serial monogamist (ok, ok, a playboy monogamist). Or a girl with imaginary boyfriends. Do we measure our worth based on someone hanging onto our arm these days? Does a guy need a girlfriend for his friends to respect and envy him? Does a girl need a guy to call her own to feel lovable or special? Let's relate.

A few weeks back, a friend broke up with his gf of more than a year. Which was no surprise, really, for he is such a mega playboy. So I was basically, "Yea, whatever". But he said that "Bla..bla..bla..she is the one...I will wait for her...," and so on and so forth. And now, what I heard is that he already has a new gf. Which is, of course, no surprise. Again. I also can't bloody remember which girlfriend this is right now. Seven? Number eight? Why bother being in a relationship if you're not completely committed to it! You can't seriously be that sex-starved, right? And what about jumping from one relationship to another? Don't you need some time to get over the previous relationship and collect your thoughts? No wonder none of his relationships worked out so far. How can it when he doesn't know what he expects and wants from a relationship, from a partner? Oh, wait. I take that back. I've forgotten that all he wants now is to have fun, regardless of anyone's feelings (but his own, duh). And the best bit? He said that this new gf helps him get over the ex. Rebound. Right. Really helps speed up the healing process along. No?

A darling co-worker. Ah. And her infinite string of boyfriends. Which I bet are all fake anyway. Correction, we're ALL betting that he's fake. See, she's not from around here. She has no family here. Which obviously makes it easier for her to conjure up her dream guy. Who obviously only exists in her dreams. Well, I don't really talk to her much, only regarding work-related issues, since her manner so annoys me. But I've heard gossip, oh - sod it. I LOVE GOSSIP !! And word is that she had like, what, 26 bfs before? I mean WOW? And someone said, "Maybe she meant boy-friends!" Well she obviously meant for us to think of the other type. OMG, I'm such a bitch but here we go...

Of the "bfs" I did hear of was:

Boyfriend Number One - an accountant who "now" works in England. Apparently he "broke up" with her upon the phone call of his sister or something, who saw her dining with another guy. What I heard was that he called her up, from England, and broke off with her. *Laughs mirthlessly*
Boyfriend Number Two - is the son of a furniture shop owner in her hometown. Yep.

She's now on Boyfriend Number Three. She told A that he is "handsome and rich". Direct quote. Goodness. Which girl voluntarily goes around telling people that her bf is handsome and rich. And A was being very mean when she told me she thought "Handsome and rich, why want a girl like you, fat and dark?!" Ok. Looks does not matter. But really. I honestly don't think I'm pretty. Or even cute. And I'm not even thin. Not being a bitch or anything but she is way worse. Being objective: Me VS Her, on a scale of 1-10. 1 being least desirable, 10 being most desirable.

Height: 6 : 6 We're the same height, average for Asian girls
Weight: 3 : 1 I'm overweight. She's more so.
Skin Tone: 5 : 4 I'm a bit dark. She seems darker.
Eyes: 6 : 2 Probably my better feature, if not for the glasses. Hers are slanted slits, bit like a cat's
Nose: 5 : 4 Don't really like my nose, too big. Her's is pretty normal, if not a bit squashed.
Mouth: 5 : 2 Normal mouth. The sides of her mouth is always curved downwards
Hair: 4 : 6 Frizzy from styling products. Her's is long and straight. Probably her better feature.
Overall: 5 : 2 Overweight normal looking girl. Bit more overweight girl with a face which looks permanently displeased with something

Personality-wise, well the whole department hates her. So obviously you can't say that her personality shines through. Therefore it was totally justified for A to think what she thought.

As for myself, I put it this way. It's hard enough to find either a rich guy. Or a handsome guy. But rich and handsome? That's a rare species. And a rich and handsome guy interested in you? Goodness..even rarer. Wait, this bit gets better. He happens to be her brother-in-law's cousin! Who's father also owns a furniture shop in her hometown! (I expect she'd forgotten that she told people her previous bf's father owns a furniture shop, lol, and threw it in when I unexpectedly asked what he does).

And recently, she was supposed to go to his granny's big birthday shindig (and then she got sick - on purpose or not, don't ask me) so people were totally grilling her about it and asking her to bring back photos. And when she came back from her MC or whatever it was, A asked about the photos. She said "I couldn't go because I was sick. His dad was so angry I didn't go". That's so expected. Except the dad thing. Who can blame you for not showing up because you're too ill to?

Anyway, pre-party, before she got all "sick" she was talking about them hosting the event at some place huge, bringing in professional make-up people to do their faces and what-the-hecks. When asked to bring back pictures, she said, "Oh, I can't. I have to help serve the guests".

What? Some big expensive restaurant/hotel/wherever and you have to SERVE guests? Does that even make sense? Ok, even if you do serve guests, how can there not be a photo of you and the guy taken? At all?

Your verdict?

Having someone of the opposite sex on your arm doesn't make you any greater. Having someone else to stem the pain caused by another person will not get you anywhere. You don't gain anything jumping from relationship to relationship. Is there anything wrong with being single? Lying about a relationship you don't have, with a made up guy won't make us girls envy you. In fact, it undermines and degrades yourself. There's nothing wrong with being single.

Post 5: Does the Pain Ever Goes Away?

2009-11-06T23:28:00.001+08:00

It is a common question asked on the ENA board by heartbroken souls. The honest answer? I have to say no. At least not anytime soon. It might take a few months for it to stop hurting. It may take a few years.

I find sometimes the memories just crop up, like deja vu. And then I thought back, experienced some flashback, and the pain resurfaces, even when I'm perfectly happy as I am now. Only last week when I was doing the files when I suddenly went quiet, with what must have been a thoughtful expression on my face because Weng Hong looked at me and asked, "What's wrong?". I just shook my head at him, and shook myself out of it.

Sometimes it's just the little things that meant so much to you while you were together which throws you back into a pained state. Like when Cin In asked me whether I know of any corporations which uses IT in relation to their human resources when I thought of all the fucking times I'd helped with his assignments. Gosh, what was I thinking?

I'd like for it to go permanently away, but it just isn't feasible at the moment. The good thing is, it doesn't hurt as much now as it did back then. Also, it probably wasn't even losing him that caused the pain, nor was it the intelligence of my relationship going down the drain. It might be the sense of betrayal or the indignity of be cheated on which lead to all the hurt still caught up inside me.

Which makes sense because every time I rinse and repeat, it's always how much and dum-dum I was for having suffered all his gum-gum behavior - chew and spit. Therefore, I conclude the pain can still be there for reasons other than being dumped or replaced. And it will remain there til we learn to forgive. Great, this means mine is stuck here for eternity for this is one thing I can never bring myself to forgive nor forget.

Post 4: What Follows A Break-up?

2009-11-04T14:04:00.001+08:00

Two years had passed since the break-up. Two years is a long time. Winston Churchill once said, "If you're going through hell, keep going". That was exactly what I went through, just worse. Anyway, I meant this to be a positive post, since I think I've had enough whiny ones.

So...firstly, I did lose a significant amount of kgs after post break-up. I kinda took his "parting words" to heart and spruced up my appearance a bit. I went out and got a new hair color, honey and blond highlights and new curls. However, my hair is now going back straight and black. I still think that liking someone for how she looks is superficial but I did realize that good grooming and looking after yourself is important too. But, sad to say, I've put back the pounds. *Sobs*. Oh well, my sis said that I blow up when I'm happy so it just goes to show.

Moping helps. Really. It's part of the grieving process. Sulk at home, stay in bed, whatever. I think it's worse if you acted like nothing happened. Like the relationship wasn't at all important to you. It was, so there is no reason why you should not mourn for its death. Just don't overdo it, and not for way too long. And don't talk the ears off your friends about your break-up troubles.

Getting yourself out of the house is essential. I especially like retail therapy. I went shopping for a whole new wardrobe (well, just a few pieces anyway, like I could afford a whole new one). And I actually bought a couple of dresses, which I haven't worn since I was like, 11? School uniforms don't count. Guess what? Dresses are actually fun, even if you're not a girly-girl! Instant femininity - just add hot water. I've bought a few more dresses since then, haha.

Also, I also did some serious reflection on what went wrong in the relationship, or was it that we're just too different. A very important question I asked myself was, "Was I really happy in that relationship?" and I had to honestly say no. I wasn't, and hadn't been for quite awhile. But I did stay on, with the hope that things will work themselves out. Which is another lesson to me. Things just DO NOT work themselves out in a relationship. You have to communicate and compromise, and work on the relationship, at all times.

And then I thought back to all the things I were unhappy about. Mostly that he was unhappy with me, how I looked like. Love shouldn't be about what someone looks like. I think this is also one of main reasons that I sometimes feel insecure in my current relationship because of of my past. However, I do think it's really sweet that Elf always assures me that he doesn't mind that I'm fat. His family doesn't seem to mind that I'm pudgy. His mom has not said anything about my spare tires. Still, this is one insecurity I have to cope with.

I have also met new people and came up with a list of characteristics I would and would not appreciate in that someone special. Among the traits which made the YES list are:

Patient - you need a lot of that to be with me
Undemanding - the moment you start making any crazy ones, I'm off
Thoughtful - take my thoughts, likes and dislikes into account
Understanding - I can be a bit eccentric and noisy, so this is an important trait
Faithful - obviously
Fun - everyone needs a little fun in their lives
Supportive - of everything I do, or talk me out of those hot soup ones

You know, just the general attributes. And in my NO list:

Possessive - what are you doing now? 2 secs later...what are you doing now?
Moody - I just hate mood swings
Bad-tempered - uncontrollable temper and bad anger management are no-nos
Rude - speaks for itself
Disrespectful - you don't respect others, you won't respect me

And to add to my NO list, a few quirks from my past relationship which irked me:

Always walking ahead of me, not by my side
Staying at home - most of the time (well that's what we're stuck with at the moment, but I don't think we have any other option)
Keeping me away from his friends, or rather, his friends away from me
Referring to me as his "friend"
Spams me with texts - when I'm sleeping
Not ever holding hands outside - yes I want the world to know, is that too much to ask for?

Not that I'm looking for one, haha. I've been with Elf for more than a year now <3. Not everything is smooth sailing, he's not perfect but I'm happy and I am free.

Post 3: Understanding Different Types of Break-ups

2009-10-04T22:07:00.003+08:00

When I started dating my first boyfriend years ago, it was as if a dream come true. I thought that we would last forever. I was just the kind of girl who wanted a happy ending. And when I see and hear about people breaking up, I thought, "Well, no way is this going to happen to me". Three years down the road it did. And I was beyond devastated. The first few weeks were a nightmare. I couldn't sleep and I couldn't eat. I couldn't do anything except brood over it. I swear my sister and friends were getting really sick of hearing about it.

And then a few of my friends broke up with their significant others. My sister broke up with her boyfriend of 5 years. Which made me wonder, are break-ups all the same? The answer? Not quite.

Let's start with the most unpleasant of all break-ups. I call it the cheating. This break-up happens when one of the partners cheated on the other. In cases like this, it's bloody good riddance. However, it is still highly debatable whether the person who is cheated on should forgive the cheating partner. Sometimes it's for the sake of the children. Sometimes, they say that the cheater is truly repentant. I believe there are exceptions to the rules. But I say, once a cheater forever a cheater, so may he/she rot in hell. Why would you want to stay with someone who cheated on you anyway? Your cheating partner cared not for you when he or she carried out an affair behind your back. Cheating and having affairs are conscious decisions they chose to make. So what the heck?

The long-distance break-up is something I would probably not encounter but is something that is very likely to happen in a long-distance relationship. There would be times when you meet someone great but the thing is, a) they are moving away, b) you live 200 miles apart, c) working or studying in another state or country, or d) is the citizen of another country. Things could get tough. You might want to work on establishing and maintaining a relationship but a relationship is a two-way street. It requires equal amount of commitment from both parties. And that's not all, you need a truck load of trust. Without trust, a long-distance relationship is bound to bite the dust.

The wedding/engagement break-up is something I hope none of us will have to go through. Yeah, I know if you're not in love with the guy and the guy is not in love with you, or maybe the guy doesn't think you love him that much, then why bother proposing or getting engaged! I think this is more a case of one partner loving the other more. Whereas the one who loves or gives less is wondering where their relationship is heading. Is he really the best guy out there for her? Or are there others better suited? There's no telling. It is a logical thing to worry about, in my opinion. A marriage is a lifetime commitment. A person has to be more than a hundred person sure that he/she is the one before taking the great big plunge. People would say that if you're thinking about whether or not you're making the right decision getting engaged or being married to your partner, it means that you don't love him that much and that you should let him find someone who loves him as much as he loves her. I think this is utter nonsense. I would think long and hard about getting married. Sometimes love just isn't enough to make the world go round. Marriage is also about the ability to live with someone for a very, very, very long time and not feel like killing each other. Of course it's something we have to think carefully about. Why marry only to get divorced few years down the road? But obviously, if anyone proposes, I'd say yes.

My previous break-up was a long-term relationship break-up. That is, if you think that three whole years is long. How would I define a long-term relationship? Any relationship which lasted more than twelve months. Also, I think this is the trickiest kind of break-up to go through. Firstly, it is because there can be a whole array of reasons why the break-up occurred, from A right up till Z. In my opinion, it seems that most long-term relationships ended either because of the Grass Is Greener Syndrome (GIGS) or cheating. Unless it's a long-distance relationship, where so many things can go wrong on its own. In my case, I think it was a GIGS triggered break-up with a dash of cheating thrown in. I have no evidence on the cheating up until today. It was purely based on my instincts. Please, there are always signs when men are cheating. They don't do it consciously, it's peacock related. Let me explain how I reached my conclusion.

My ex was...I don't know, someone who cared about his appearance. A lot. So it's typical that he looked after himself well. But in the three years we were together, he never once acted like he did leading to the break-up. There were peacock tendencies everywhere. It was first his need to work-out at the gym in his college. (Was there even a gym where he studied? I wasn't sure). And then his journey into Body Shop to get a some shower gel which was like RM30-40. (I mean, WTF?). In addition to all that, he bought new clothes, in a totally different style. Seriously, if any of your men out there acted like this, it's a big red flag. And to top it all, he bought me a big, stuffed toy. Like, as tall as two feet. He never bought me stuffed anything before, unless you count the two, small stuffed bears he gave me the previous Valentine's. In fact, he rarely bought me anything anyone would consider "romantic". And then all of a sudden a big stuffed toy. What the hell was I supposed to think? Whatever, I had no evidence whatsoever, and it could just be that he's showing his affection. Well, I stuck to my intuition from then on. That's what they say, right? A woman's intuition is always right. And then, less two blah-di weeks after he broke up with me he had a new girlfriend. What the? So I went back to the cheating theory. There are many kinds of cheating, so don't tell me since they didn't do you-know-what it doesn't count.

And you know what the best bit about long-term relationship break-ups is? They somehow want to be friends with you? Oh, haha, please. Like my sis's ex, she said that he had this ideal situation that he's still best friend with his ex. My sister said to me, "Oh, please, let's not kid ourselves here". That was exactly what I said to her right from the start. Do not be friends with the ex. It's like picking the scabs of a wound not completely dried up.

It is good to keep your distance after a break-up. It's tough. You'd want to call, you'd want to text. You'd want them to call, you'd want them to text. You just wanted everything to be the same as it was. And you don't think that you'd be happy without them. Crap. Sometimes, it's best to let go and to heal. After all, why would you want to run after someone who so obviously wanted to keep you on the back burner? Someone who doesn't care about you anymore? Someone who openly declared that he doesn't love you? In order to heal, you have to end all communications with the ex. Out of sight, out of mind. I kept in touch with my ex for about two long months. It was pure, 100% torture. He was such a major asshole who kept driving the knife deeper until (haha) I changed my number. No one can hurt me unless I allow them to.

Ok, so back to the friends thing. Um, I have enough friends as it is. Furthermore, do I really need a prime jerk as a friend? Nope. Before any of you thinks I'm a childish bitch, no, I'm not doing this to get revenge. I'm doing this for myself. I need to forget, I don't need to remember. As long as I keep in contact with him, I will remember. And even if I don't, he is the kind of person who makes sure I do. Besides that, he once told a friend of his that in each of our lives, we have either to hurt, or to be hurt. And, this was the answer he gave to his friend, when his friend asked him why he continued to hurt me though we were already broken up. That is why, if a keep the channels of communication opened, I will be the one hurting. I'm just protecting myself. But, if you're going to say I'm being selfish, you're right. I'm being totally selfish. I'm sick of being selfless.

Oh well. Guess I'm not one of those lucky few who has never experienced a break-up in their entire lives. However, I'm glad to say that I'm thankful for it. I have rediscovered myself again and know much more about what I look for in a relationship, and in a man I decide to love.

Post 2: What Is Love?

2009-10-02T13:31:00.002+08:00

I spent some time with my bf the past couple of days, watching "The Proposal" and talking. He got around to asking me how what I view love as. So I asked him, what is love to he? He said that he doesn't necessarily need to be with someone to love her, that to him love is providing the best for the girl. Oh.

That got me thinking about what love actually is. Being Sagittarius, I have a wide, extensive-expansive definition of love. Though, now that I think of it, I cannot come to see how anyone can define love based on words alone. It is often not what we say love is, it is how we show it. So anyway, back to the wordy explanation of love. Firstly, I have to say that it is a feeling. We all feel love, don't we? And then I have to say that it is a decision. When we become someone's steady or life partner, I believe that at that point, a decision has been made to eternally cherish and care for that person, no matter how tough the situation can get. I believe that love is a decision, because we are as capable to love, as we are of falling out of love. When we fall out of love, it means that we have then made a decision to stop loving someone. Follow? Finally, I believe that love is also a series of actions. Don't get me started on what actions, I won't be able to stop. There are too many and they are too varied.

I also believe that love is different to each person for everyone is different and has experience different degrees of love. I have always been a little spoiled. Just like my sister mentioned in her blog, my parents do everything they can do give us all that they could possibly give. Nothing is too great a sacrifice. Giving without complaining and not expecting anything in return. We are typical Asians and don't do much hugging and kissing and "I love you's" (if at all) but my siblings and I never for once doubted that our parents love us. This is love for you on my parents' part. And you think that that's what parents are required to do and are responsible for? Think again. There are people I actually know that do not have such loving parents. Plenty of people I know thinks that I'm lucky to have parents like mine. I also have a friend who hates going home so much, with the reason that he doesn't get along at all with his family, he spends his after work hours in the cybercafe. I really do sympathize with him and cannot help but wonder what kind of home he has, and what kind of parents would make their son feel so depressed at home.

In addition to that, I also think that we can love more than one person. Whoever says "I only love you" is definitely bullshitting. I love my parents, I love my siblings, I love my bf, I love my books, I love my pillow. The human ability to love is infinite. Though I must say that we love different people differently. For example, my love for my pillow as an inanimate object is, of course completely different from the love I have for my family, which is in turn totally unlike what I feel for my bf. But I totally do not agree that you can love 3 or 4 women at one go, unless you're fine with your women love other men too, haha. Anyway, seriously, in terms of committed venus-mars relationships, I always believe in monogamy.

Which brings me back to why I say that love is a decision. As mentioned before, one could love more than one person. Yes, even more than one man or woman. But you can only love one, and disappoint all others. Then love becomes a decision. By choosing that one man, you are in fact making a decision to support and cherish, to be loyal to him, to share all his hopes and dreams, to care for him and his needs, to respect and honor him, and to love him and him only, for the person that he is. Now, anything you want to add?

Post 1: In-game Love?

2009-09-28T08:04:00.004+08:00

You play Maple Story. You play Ragnarok Online. You play Perfect World. Whichever MMORPG you play (especially the cutesy ones, which attracts girls as well as boys) there is bound to be a marriage system. What marriage system you say? Well, let us start from the beginning.

Typical setting. Boy meets girl, fall in love, get married. Sounds feasible right? Well try repeating that like 7 more times. Welcome to the world of MMORPG. In MMORPG, as a girl, you're most likely to run into a guy or two while you're leveling your character. Say, in RO terms, you might be a priest who doesn't have good attack skills at all. You therefore party (leveling together to gain experience) male hunters/male wizards/male crusaders and somehow develop a rapport with one of them. Therefore your list of possible party members dwindles to one, which is that guy, let's say the guy hunter. You spend all your time together even when you're not leveling. And then one day you decide, "Hey, why don't we get married?" And so you do. And this is where all my problems start.

You guys become sickeningly mushy. No. Worse.

Another typical setting: Married couple on MMORPG's world channel (Perfect World's)

Guy: Thanks to all for coming to our wedding! *insert some cutesy emoticon here*
Girl: (doesn't say anything, just insert some cutesy emoticon here, usually a heart)
Friend of guy/girl: Congrats xyz, congrats abc, go make babies !!
Friend of guy/girl: Congrats xyz, congrats abc, go make babies !!
Friend of guy/girl: Congrats xyz, congrats abc, go make babies !!
Friend of guy/girl: Congrats xyz, congrats abc, go make babies !!
Guy: Thank you thank you. I love you dear abc *insert another cutesy emoticon*
Girl: I love you too xyz sugar bun, honey cakes, darling pumpkin *another emoticon*

Note: Might continue for 5 minutes or longer, depending on how popular the guy and girl are and how many rich, no-brain friends they have between them. The more they have, the longer it goes.

So then, yeah. I have a few questions.

Number 1: How old exactly (in real life) are those two? Well, well, well, let me see. The guy might be 32 and the girl 16. Mmhmm.. that sounds about right. Or they both might be 13. In the real world, a 16-year-old girl's parents will definitely not allow her to marry a 32-year-old man. And 13-year-olds can't even get married legally.

Number 2: Do they really know what love is? Or are they just married for the love of money? I quote a gamer from Perfect World, as seen on the Perfect World MY-EN forum board, in response to the poll topic of "How much did you spend on cubi?" (cubi referring to in-game cash shop currency, meaning to say that the real world cash converted to cash shop currency, and is by no means related to in-game gold, which everyone has means to acquire at all times)

"I paid for 7 marriages (both boxes) (divorced 5 times), when I make a character I max out inventory and bank. I buy them the best aviation and mount, I buy fashion like crazy and have always used gold hieros (2 each character at a time). I use tele stones, dolls, and basic perks. I paid for friends wedding boxes, gave my husbands (in-game) the best mounts, aviation, wings, fashion.. whatever moves me... etc..

I have bought plants/minerals to get those crafting skills up quick, and sure - I buy dyes, sell what I don't want.

When I was GM - I held contests that blew through 100+ cubi a month, so.. wow not sure - probably $250-300 a month, more when I want new aviation or to get married. More when I begin a new character, and just started 2 new ones.

Started in January so.... u can add it up"

Note: edited some spelling and grammar mistakes. This post was made in November 2008.

Yep. Her hubbies gets the best aviations and mounts and she paid for the wedding. Good aviations are not cheap. At least not by Malaysian standards. I know minimum wage in the US is around USD7. And that converts to RM24.50. And I only get paid RM4.50 per hour working at a bookstore. A really good aviation costs 89-114 cubis which is equivalent to RM89-RM114, please do count how many hours I have to work for that. And seven hubbies? Good grief, we're talking a few months of going hungry for me.

Whoopie, I think she is the only person who doesn't think that they love her for the money she spends on them.

Number 3: Marriage lasts a lifetime. The above gamer has been married 7 times. Geez, and she started in January and the post made in November. So that's probably about a husband in two to three months, taking into account that she has probably married before she started buying cubis like mad. Only Britney Spears divorce faster than her. And I assure you she is definitely not the only one out there.

Number 4: In-game love does not equate real life love. Also, that sweet murmurings also does not mean that you love or care about someone. So they think that by going around "a dear dear here and a dear dear there" that they have found actual love? What about the *insert name here* 731 1314, bunch of mathematical equation thing? Does confessing his undying love for you all over the virtual fantasy world actually translate to him caring deeply for you and only you for a long long time?

Please note that people seek fun and enjoyment from MMORPG and this extends to include any virtual "relationship". It is more than likely that he "married" you for the enjoyment of this gaming feature. There are people out there who suffer from attention deficiency and strives to attract the affection from those around him.